The webcomics blog about webcomics

It’s The Time Of National Holidays …

… and with a long-delayed reckoning on the horrors of colonization and settler states, I’m not sure that Happy {Canada | Independence} Day is in any way warranted. We’re probably well past the point where maybe we should just say Yeah, okay, day off work and no mail today and avoid the rah-rah celebration that always had a foundation of We’re the best, fairest, most awesome people ever and not looking behind the curtain that’s in front of the people whose land we’re on¹.

So if you’ve got today off, or Monday, maybe join me in some of that reflection. We can talk webcomics another day.


Spam of the day:
Nah. They don’t get today.

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¹ In my case, the Lenape. They were the other party in the first written treaty the United States ever entered into, which it should not surprise you to discover did not last.

Drawin’ Doggos!

On the one hand, I hear that Donald Rumsfeld is dead, which means that Death is walking his shots ever closer to Kissinger. On the other hand, it is hot as balls out, miserably so. On balance, I’ll call it a net positive. Let’s move on.

Remember about five-six weeks back and how the Billy Ireland Cartoon Library & Museum is hosting a retrospective of dog-themed cartoons? There’s been some events added to The Dog Show for next weekend that you might want to look at:

  • Saturday, 10 July at 2:00pm EDT, Nomi Kane will be hosting an online seminar on pooch drawing. What are the basics of cartoon dogs? What details can be added to make your best friend’s doodle different from all other best friend doodles? If you’ve got a computer and an hour, you can find out! Have paper and pencil ready, and families are urged to attend together, with advance registration required (hit the link).
  • Sunday, 11 July from 1:00pm – 4:00pm EDT, if you’re in Columbus, you can come down to The Billy, where Hilary Frambes will be doing sidewalk chalk art of very good dogs (who are welcome if on leash). Register here so they have an idea of how many folks to expect, and if you’re outside, The Billy’s galleries will be open until 5:00pm, just saying.

    The rain date is Saturday, 17 July, same dog-time, same dog-sidewalk (yeah, okay, that sounded better in my head).

Oh, and because the folks at The Billy want everybody to be able to participate, a reminder: If you require an accommodation such as live captioning¹ or interpretation², please email libevents, which is an account at the Ohio State University, a doteducational institution, as soon as possible. Requests made less than a week in advance will be more difficult to meet, although they’ll make every effort; if you give them enough notice, you’re pretty much assured of the assistance you require.


Spam of the day:

Hi there are many girls here https://[nope!].co/fN5R

As of 1 December 2020, there are approximately 488 people in a square kilometer in New Jersey³, 23.5% of which are under the age of 18, and 51.3% of which are women. There are many girls everywhere I look, and that’s without clicking on your virus-riddled link.

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¹ More for the Zoom event, you can’t really caption somebody drawing on the sidewalk.

² I imagine they’d be able to work that for either event.

³ Which is also home to more scientists and engineers per square kilometer than anyplace else in the world. In your face, rest of the planet!

Book Tymez

Hey there. Want to find something cool to read in the not necessarily immediate future, but pretty soon nonetheless? Something in the sci-fi comics domain, mayhap? Then read on ’cause that’s what we’re talking about today.

  • Word came back in November that one of Jim Zub’s creator-owned tales would be making the leap from comiXology¹ to print, and now we have a release date. Stone Star Vol 1: Fight Or Flight (discussed previously) comes out from Dark Horse a week from tomorrow at your preferred comic shop, with words by Zub, pictures by Max Dunbar, covers by Espen Grundetjern is US$19.99, and absolutely worth a read.
  • You’ll have to wait a while to read it on paper, but Los Angeles resident Dave Kellett launched the Kickstart for the Act III² print collection of Drive, and you absolutely want in on this one. Yes, the price point for a physical book (US$55) is steep, but the previous volumes have been hefty, beautiful hardcovers jam-packed with extras. Sure, you could get the softcover for US$35, but you’d miss out on the dustcover, the ribbon bookmark, the endpapers, the spot UV … which technically the hardcover doesn’t have yet on account of they’re stretch goals, as are the various Tales From The Drive stories³ that have released since the Act 3 book came out, but history suggests that they’ll be unlocked as that’s what happened with the prior two books.

    Look. Campaign went up yesterday with a goal of US$45000 (a high goal, to be sure). As of now, it’s just shy of US$60,000, about US$5000 from stretch goal number 1 (the Gurihiru Tales story), so I’m highly confident the others will unlock. There’s potentially 90 pages of Tales in addition to book upgrades to go, before the campaign ends in a month.

    Storywise, it looks like all the pieces are finally on the board, as LArDK once described Drive as being a three-act story and he’s now upped that to five acts. Oh, and no FFF mk2 predictions on this one, as LArDk has a habit of stealth launching to this Patreonistas, and that throws things off.

  • About a month ago, Doug Wilson (about whom we had some discussion back around ’09-’10, and again regarding an unsuccessful Kickstart around ’15, and one mo’ ‘gain in 2017 about a new project, which is immediately relevant) sent along a PDF of his now-completed story, Jack Astro (told you). The story starts as a subversion of the old Heinleinian eleite super-soldier story, and turns into a fairly familiar bumbler-out-of-their-depths story, albeit one that ends a bit abruptly.

    Wilson’s Kickstarting the full story starting Thursday, and while I don’t have any details to give you yet (that whole not yet launched thing), a) it fit the theme today too well not to mention, and b) it’ll certainly be worth your perusal at the end of the week.


Spam of the day:

I am currently running a PR campaign for my client and I would like to request you to share our website [nope!].com on your social media, bookmark it and give us a backlink on your blog fleen.com I will check in a few days’ time and if I do not see a backlink to our site and social signals, I will spam fleen.com with a whole load of toxic link farms that will inevitably drag your site down the rankings.

Just to show you that I am dead serious, please take a look at the backlink profile of this url and note all the spam links being created 24/7. The same destiny awaits your site: [nuh-uh].com

Please do not try to report me or try any monkey business as this will only piss me off and increase the severity of spam going to fleen.com Should you comply, I will reward you with a link on our site.

Thanks in advance. Kind regards

It’s the Kind regards in a blackmail attempt that’s really pissing me off. So, two things:

1. This was sent more than two weeks ago and gosh, I don’t see any drag-down in the search rankings, and 2. Do fuck off. The bitcon-seeking liar threatening to release video of me watching porn, hacked from a webcam that doesn’t exist, was more convincing that this horseshit.

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¹ Occasional reminder that they don’t get links, on account of Amazon’s terms & conditions mean that you don’t actually own any of the comics you purchase from them and screw that noise.

² Which wrapped up just about a week and a half back.

³ The most recent of which, Motherbear, from LArDK assistant Beth Reidmiller, wrapped up just today.

This One Is For Frank, Holly, And Kaliis

No image up top — it would give away too much.

It is a central tenet of this page that lots of things are webcomics; if you’re an independent artist, and have a website somewhere, you’re webcomics in my book¹. Keep that in mind, because this is going to wander a bit.

Dale DeGroff is a name some of you may recognize; he’s not the only reason we have high quality cocktails in this country after the disastrous post-Prohibition period, but he’s a big part of the movement, and taught or inspired a lot of people who helped make the revolution happen. His wife, Jill DeGroff, is a painter of no mean skill, one who has spent the past forever of her career portraying the cocktail bar world in her work.

A couple of years ago, I was lucky to purchase a portrait she did of Damon Boelte², purely because I looked at it and said, I know exactly that guy’s whole deal from the picture. It’s a fiction that just sprung into my head like a reverse Athena but it is absolutely true. My wife kinda hates it.

Yesterday, my bar had the DeGroffs back to celebrate (in no particular order) the end of capacity controls in New Jersey, Dale DeGroff’s latest experiments with bourbon, and Jill DeGroff’s latest paintings. And in the corner where I found the Damon Boelte two years ago was another painting that immediately spoke to me.

Because over the long period of quarantine, there was a person who didn’t make his name in cocktails, but who did short videos and shared them online, making favorite drinks for himself and his wife³, and Jill took it as inspiration.

Which is why I now have a portrait4 of Stanley Tucci in my home.

The Tooch and Damon The Cowboy Bartender now flank my bar, each looking over it at each other. I wanted to share it because maybe it will make some of you as happy as it made me. If you’re somebody I’ve shared a drink with and you find yourself in the middle part of New Jersey, drop a line. We can go visit my bartender, or we can stay in and experiment, and we can call it Webcomics.


Spam of the day:

FIND YOUR PERFECT PARTNER IN THE USA

Imagine my surprise when I found out this particular spam is not a hookup scam, but rather a “nutritional” supplements scam. Very confusion subject line game, spammer!

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¹ There is no book at present, at least not by me; Sean Kleefeld has a book titled Webcomics that is up for an Eisner this year, and I am carefully making my way through the PDF copy he kindly provided me. If I ever do a book about webcomics, it will likely be called I Have The Best Friends In Known Space.

² Who does not look in the painting like he does in any photo you’ll find of him. When he started in the high end cocktail game, he looked fresh from Sunday School, or like Kenneth the page from 30 Rock. Now he looks more like a guy that’s been hanging with ZZ Top for the past couple decades. For about two weeks, he had an in-between look and that’s when DeGroff met him and decided to immortalize him.

³ Also attracting controversy. A Negroni that that was shaken? Saying it’s okay to sub vodka for the gin? Look, people like what they like, but that should really have been dubbed a variation and okay! Fine! I’m over it, promise. The guy who made Big Night will not ever made me permanently angry.

4 Furthermore, Jill DeGroff has corrected the Negroni to be in its proper tumbler and okay I am done now, really this time.

I Don’t Want To Say That I Have A Nemesis, Per Se …

But on the other hand, I’m not saying I don’t have nemesis, either.

See, it all comes back to Ryan Estrada, comicker, language demystifier, raconteur, [radio] drama impressario, shamer of cheapskates, and oh yes, Eisner nominee in the inaugural year of the Best Graphic Memoir category (alongside wife Kim Hyun Sook and artist Ko Hyung-Ju) for Banned Book Club. It’s the last item we’re concerned with today.

Estrada is doing something you don’t always see — openly posting on the sosh meeds about who can vote in the Eisners and imploring folks who can to vote for Banned Book Club, and he’s doing it for the best reason of all:

Spite.

Or at least comeuppance:

Time’s running out to register to vote!
You may wonder why I’m so insistent.

Well, a middle schooler named Jerry told me I couldn’t win an Eisner.

It was on the zoom in front of everybody.

Now my whole 6th grade ESL class is following the Eisners to see if Jerry was right.[Fearful face emoji] [Face with open mouth and cold sweat emoji] [emphasis mine]

Oh you did not, JERRY. You did not tell a man who has been thrown from a train, wandered through a drug war, dragged his ass up Kilimanjaro, lit himself on fire twice¹, and slept on a public bench in a gosh-darned typhoon that he is incapable of anything.

Especially not when such a man is unfailingly generous to you, JERRY:

Jerry is actually the cool, smart kind kid in class so he’s not trying to be a jerk he just DOESN’T BELIEVE IN ME.

I stand by my assessment of Jerry and encourage everybody that is eligible to vote in the Eisners to vote for Banned Book Club, so that Jerry can get his head right. Do it for Ryan, Hyun Sook, and Hung-Ju. Do it because Banned Book Club truly deserves both the nomination and the award. Do it to prove a middle school kid wrong and in so doing, strike back at every Jerry that’s not believed in you when he should, as well as everybody in middle school who was so damn certain about something while being so damn wrong.

Do it for spite. Do it so that I, a grown man, do not need to have a nemesis that is in middle school².

If you make, publish, edit, or sell comics, or if you are an academic or librarian that works with comics, you are eligible to cast a ballot for the Eisners until 30 June.


Spam of the day:

Give with Crypto Currency? Why Yes! We are adding it!

This from what purports to be a Christian crowdfunding site, making the claim that they’re emailing me because of my past contributions to somebody raising money to assuage their hurt feelings that they can’t be utter shits towards everybody that isn’t their exact flavor of white supremacist evangelical without getting some mild rebuke for their actions. Or, as they have it, being persecuted. I am very tempted to respond with a hearty Hail, Satan! instead of sending them to the spamhole and reporting them for phishing.

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¹ So far.

² Correctly identified in an old Life In Hell strip as existing only to separate out kids in their maximally snotty years, both to protect the younger kids they would torment ceaselessly, and to spare them from the high schoolers doling out beatings they would so richly deserve. Matt Groening had your number in like 1987 when YOUR PARENTS were in middle school, JERRY.

Reset Day

Hey. Work’s a little weird, and my dog’s a little needy, and Diamond’s not shipping books I was hoping to have for review, and I’m recognizing I need to take a day away from writing today. Nothing bad, just need a skip to reset and also it’s really pretty out right now. I’ll make it up to you, promise.

You Find Joy Where You Can

It’s a dreary day here today, and I’m behind on nearly everything I could be behind on, but I’m in a good mood because sometimes, others go out of their way to give you something awesome. I’d like to pass those somethings along, if you don’t mind.

  • Firstly, you should be able to still get in on the pre-order for Meredith Gran’s limited-run, full-color printing of the recent Octopus Pie coda. I say should be because in the literal, single minute after Gran announced they were for sale, the Bigcartel store was insisting they were sold out. Too many of us trying to buy at once, I guess!

    As of this writing, it’s still available, but I wouldn’t sit on this until tomorrow if I were you. Valerie Halla’s colors are always great, and the cover colors by Sloane Leong look amazing. Finally, Gran will be signing every copy.

  • Secondly, you don’t have to spend anything to get a perking-up today, if you wander over to Oh Joy, Sex Toy for a completely safe for work meditation on embracing the ridiculous in life from Erika Moen’s Patreon. It’s about kohlrabi, and the twists and turns her life has taken by embracing the weirder option at certain key times.

    It’s affirming, uplifting, joy-bringing, and exactly what so many of us need to hear as we slowly wake up to a world where things are necessarily worse than they were yesterday. Plague Years will wear you the fuck down¹, but there’s always room in them (and before, and in the days yet to come) for some Ridiculous in your life. Go read it and feel better about everything for a little while.


Spam of the day:

He decided to go public and his video went viral in record time … People testified this method cured toenail fungus forever after just of couple of days …

Is this the bit where you pee on your feet because ew.

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¹ Moen’s strip may be entirely safe for work, so I have to make up for that here just to create logic.

Fleen Book Corner: The Legend Of Auntie Po

As we get started, a disclaimer. Shing Yin Khor is a personal friend of mine, and I’ve had at least the outline of this story rattling around my brain for years now, ever since we talked about it as a work in progress over some surprisingly delicious Tex-Mex in Juneau, Alaska. So when I picked up my copy of The Legend Of Auntie Po from my local comic shop last week, I had high hopes and even higher expectations.

Because one should never count out Shing Yin Khor when it comes to a) lumberjack culture; b) foodway stories; c) immigrant tales; and d) delicate, gorgeous watercolors. Combine all of those into nearly 300 pages of story, and throw a little adolescent queer longing in on top, and you’ve got an absolute winner. For those that don’t want the spoilers ahead, get a copy or three, read it until it falls apart and then read it some more.

Actually, the spoilers are going to be kind of light — it’s the 1880s, a logging camp in the Sierra Nevadas, at a time when Chinese workers were both valued for skills in large undertakings (building entire logging infrastructure, or running railroads through the tallest mountain range in the hemisphere) and simultaneously regarded as a plague upon the land, despoiling a nation out of its natural white purity.

Don’t look too closely at everybody that isn’t white, particularly those that the land in question was stolen from, or those whose parents and grandparents were stolen from overseas to work the land. The country has a myth of manifest destiny to construct here.

And that’s really the core of Auntie Po — that myth belongs to anybody that’s trying to make sense of their circumstances, whether it’s in the service of oppressing everybody that doesn’t look like you, or in trying to find a little hope at the end of the day that somebody powerful might be in your corner. Nearly everybody in the story is trying to find that bit of footing, and even the white folks haven’t been around long enough for some to count them as real Americans¹.

So they make up stories — Paul Bunyan was revered by the northwoods loggers? Hao Mei, 13 and full of imagination and stories, knows that Po Pan Yin and her blue water buffalo Pei Pei were even bigger and better. Auntie Po doesn’t just stay with Mei; when need strikes, the other children in the camp — none of the Chinese — call on her and see her, really see her. And if this newer Auntie Po is Black rather than Chinese? Well, myths take on their own lives, adapted by the people that need them and make them their own. And that carries on past the children; by the end of the book the loggers in the bunkhouse argue whose crew cut more lumber — Paul Bunyan or Auntie Po.

Mei’s father, Hao Ah, doesn’t need Auntie Po because he knows who he is — the only cook that can keep the loggers satisfied², and twice the man of the white guy that tries to replace him. Mei learns who she is eventually, too — a girl with dreams of university and learning, and also the best pie maker for miles around — and so she lets Auntie Po go, but others take her up and make her their own. Hels Andersen insisted that the Haos were family to him, and over time he changes that from empty platitude to reality, and so a little of the myth of white supremacy crumbles, at least within one logging camp in one corner of the Sierra Nevada.

It takes a long time for myths to completely die, though — and those that don’t have anything else to rely on (whether that’s true or just what they tell themselves) can fan a myth back to life if even a spark of it remains. There’s not so many loggers out there that might call on Auntie Po, but there are echoes of her, in every burned paper memorial to a Chinese logger that fell at his work, every sealed bottle with a name and birthday inside to give proper identity to an unmarked grave.

She still lives on in whispered stories that Mei let out into the world, and instead of stories of Auntie Po, Mei gets to tell her own story, which is another form of myth. Folk heroes and gods, they say, exist as long as they have believers, and even if nobody believes in Mei but Mei, that’s a big, bright blaze of belief and she will bestride her world like Po Pan Yin towers over the tallest pines. Giant blue water buffalo optional.

The Legend Of Auntie Po by Shing Yin Khor is a deeply researched³, beautifully illustrated story of a difficult time and place. Any reader that’s willing to learn about/acknowledge the origins and legacy of white supremacy at a tween-age-appropriate level will find a lot to love and a lot to think about here. Find your copy at your local bookstore or comic shop.


Spam of the day:

We are interested in your products. If your company can handle a bulk supply of your products to Cameroon, please contact us.

I can bulk supply opinions on webcomics wherever you like, sport.

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¹ Logging boss Hels Andersen isn’t more than a generation and a half from Scandinavia, and undoubtedly looked down on my the moneyed class that funds his operations. Hell, I guarantee you that Laura Ingalls Wilder’s saintly Ma looked down on the Andersens and other recent arrivals; if you don’t remember her snotty opinions of recent immigrants, maybe don’t give the Little House books to the kids in your life because yeesh, Laura, her Ma, and her daughter Rose were serious nativists and Pa Ingalls was the definition of a failson locust, gaming the system and displacing humans from their land and lauded for it.

² His schnitzel is legendary.

³ If admittedly incomplete; in the afterword, Khor acknowledges the lack of indigenous characters and recognizes that the story of their presence in the logging camps is a story that needs to be told, but not theirs to tell.

This Seems Like A Big Deal

Cutting straight to the press release, which is not something I’d normally do, but … well, you’ll see:

Los Angeles, CA (June 16, 2021) – Celebrated creator and Eisner-winning editor Jamie S. Rich is set to join the leading digital publisher of webcomics and novels, Tapas Media, Inc. as Editor in Chief beginning Monday, June 21. The former DC Comics editor will lead a diverse and talented team from both traditional comics and webcomics while overseeing content creation as Tapas continues to grow and focus on IP development. Rich brings a wealth of experience and knowledge of the sequential storytelling community and creator development to the fast-growing media company.

Cut out the PR-speak fluff and you’ve got something very important there: Jamie S Rich has been an editor for about forever, with stints at Dark Horse and Oni — I first became aware of him from Chynna Clugston’s¹ affectionate swipes at him adjacent to her Blue Monday pieces back in Oni Double Feature — and most recently at DC.

He edited at Vertigo when Vertigo was a thing, and had stints as the group editor of the Batman titles and later the Justice League titles. In terms of American comic books, those are about as big a set of properties to be shepherding as you can get.

Now, if you’ve followed the comics news, you may recall two things:

  1. Warners Media has been increasingly making noises that it doesn’t care about comics, and has been kicking DC back and forth between corporate divisions and masters. If you think there will be any more care about comics now that they are merging with Discovery, you’re wildly optimistic and also wrong. The DC line of comics are an IP source for what they consider bigger, more legitimate media.
  2. Tapas has recently been acquired for a cool half a billion-with-a-b dollars by an entertainment conglomerate/IP farm. They’ve got money to spare, and the difference between Kakao Entertainment Group’s relationship with Tapas and Warner Bros Discovery’s relationship with DC is that Kakao is run out of a country that values comics more than this one does.

So, still IP farm, but one that’s willing to find (and pay for) storied talent on the editorial side, in the form of a guy with deep roots in indie comics. My guess is instead of relying on nostalgia for a handful of aging properties in maintenance mode with almost nothing new², Tapas is going to be aggressively courting a lot of new ideas from small creators. Or, as Rich is quoted in the press release:

I look at all the fresh talent at Tapas and I see the comics that will mean something to today’s readers and inspire the next generation of talent. I’m looking forward to collaborating with the amazing team of editors we already have working here and building out a library of truly incredible material.

Will Kakao/Tapas drop the kind of money on a movie that after being a muddled mess get another US$70 million to recut it into a much longer, albeit different muddled mess? Nope. I don’t see that kind of concentrated effort in a single, big project.

But I do see them spending a fraction of that amount of money (which is still in the range of tens of millions of dollars) on dozens or hundreds of outstanding new comics, which could make a huge difference in the lives of dozens or hundreds of as-yet unknown creators, and good for those creators who may have entire careers as a result.

I wish them all the best, and remind them to read their entire contracts because enormous IP farms, whether they’re here or in South Korea, whether they’re spending money on your grandfather’s cape characters or something that could only be done today, are spending in the anticipation that what they pay will be much smaller than what they receive in return. Here’s hoping all those creators get better rewarded than Siegel, Shuster, Kirby, and entire generations of previous creators did.

And congrats to Rich, who saw an opportunity and took in, instead of waiting to see what the latest round of post-merger corporate bloodletting looks like.


Spam of the day:

Hey, I have a client in the cannabis space who is interested in doing a sponsored post on your website.

How many times do I have to tell these weed folks? You want Box Brown, but anybody with budget in the cannabis space is probably on his shit list for pushing corporate weed and undermining both giving control of the legalized industry to those formerly incarcerated, and homegrow. Good luck with that.

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¹ She presently goes by Chynna Clugston Flores, but at the time her work was credited as Chyna Clugston-Major.

² What was the last really big new thing from DC? I’m going to suggest it’s likely Harley Quinn, and she debuted damn near thirty years ago.

Whee Doggies, That Was A Project

Sometimes this page posts about things that are slightly related to webcomics, or on occasion barely tangential to webcomics, and a handful of times completely unrelated to webcomics except by the barest thread. Guess which one we’re doing today?

This is the story of a chair. Specifically, the chair my butt is currently in as I type these words. After years of trying and failing to find a decent office chair for my home office, I eventually went out around 2008 or so and got a middle-tier gamer chair on account of you know who gets some pretty damn good chairs? Gamers.

Fast forward to nowish, and the foam on one of the armrests is disintegrating because it’s been used daily for a dozen years. I called up the company to see about replacements and the model of chair is long since discontinued, but the told me that they looked it up and a particular set of current armrests will fit. It’s US$70, but better that than getting a whole new chair that I don’t really need.

The new armrests don’t in fact fit. The mounting plate that joins the arm to the bottom of the chair has a screw hole in the wrong place, and my choices were return them and let the old rest fall apart, find a machine shop to drill a new hole in 3mm steel plate, or get to experimenting. I was able to detach both old and new arms from their respective mounting plate and the holes for swapping the plates were good so I could put the old plates (which will attach to the chair) on the new rests.

But the old plates won’t fit in a connecting slot on the new rests because there’s an entirely decorative raised section of steel on the plate.

Three hours, every tool I own, a run to the hardware store to get a tool I didn’t yet own¹ and about eight Dremel cut-off wheels later, I’d reshaped the old plate to the point it could slide in and attach to the new rest, got everything tightened and viola² it’s all working again and I can sit here and type to you about webcomics again. Because if you set a problem in front of an engineer that gives them a solution path involving a Dremel, you’d better believe they’re going to get to experimentin’.

Okay, fine, you get two tidbits of webcomics today:


Spam of the day:

CAREDOGBEST™ – Personalized Dog Harness. All sizes from XS to XXL. Easy ON/OFF in just 2 seconds. LIFETIME WARRANTY.

I have a harness for my dog, in fact. It’s got high-vis reflective tape sewn in, so she’s super visible from the porch when she’s taking her pre-bedtime dump in the yard.

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¹ An Ikea-style hex wrench with a suitably large diameter. They only sell them in sets of ten but it’s only about six bucks and now I have another set of useful tools in the toolbox so that’s all right.

² The least favored instrument in the orchestra. Violists are the classical music equivalents of the garage band bass player, demoted from the instrument that actually gets groupies.

³ Not a euphemism.