From my email outbox:

To: David Kellett <dave@davekellett.com>
Subject: satisfaction issue

Mr Kellett,

It is my understanding that you promise 100% satisfaction with purchases of your various “Sheldon” merchandise. Regrettably, I must inform you that I have NOT achieved 100% satisfaction with my purchase of your latest book, A Blizzard of Lizards.

The book itself arrived in pristine condition, with a smooth, silky feel to the cover, which is worth at least 30% satisfaction. Although the heaviness of the cover stock is obviously protective and lends a reassuring “heft” to the volume, it is perhaps slightly too stiff to easily bend in the hand during reading. This unfortunately makes the volume approximately 4% less satisfying.

The sketch in the inside front cover of this Artist’s Edition (#99/250) was suitably rendered, especially considering that vast numbers you must have had to produce in a short period of time. Call me 20% more satisfied as a result.

The content of the strip, as always, is exemplary in terms of the total entertainment derived, along with scoring consistently high on the standard LOLs per page per minute scale (LOLpppm), contributing another 57% satisfaction. The innovative use of re-arranging and englarging selected panels in strips to completely fill pages and emphasize gags (as seen most …

You’ll have to pardon me for a moment, that Linus and Lucy song is playing on the radio, and I must dance.

… clearly in the printed collections of your colleague Brad Guigar’s Evil, Inc. strip) adds 8% more to the overall satisfaction.

Finally, the bonus story, the sexy, sexy signed photo of Arthur the duck, and the examples of strips translated into Norwegian all contribute a final 5% satisfaction.

And here I hope you can see the problem, Mr Kellett — far from being 100% satisfied, I find myself 116% satisfied, a discrepancy of nearly one part in six! Surely, a craftsman of your skill is appalled by hitting so wide of the mark, and I must ask at this time that you contact me directly so that we may find a way to make good on your promise of 100% satisfaction. Your good-faith suggestions are welcome, but may I suggest that you spend 10 minutes hurling pinecones at an innocent puppy? That should about do it.

Sincerely,

Gary Tyrrell
The Internet

Speaking of callbacks to old-school comics (we were so, dammit!), did everybody catch Meredith Gran’s tribute to Everett True yesterday? Lesson to be learned from this: don’t be afraid to go obscure, kiddies. The readers that you hoped would get it will, and they’ll clue in the others.

Other quick items:

• ComixTalk year-end roundup, with a bunch of very smart people talking [web]comics, with one hack pseduo-journalist thrown in for local color. Fun!
• I, for one, welcome our new eye-having overlords. Please don’t have me murdered.
• Why do I feel dirty about laughing at the “Purdy Mouth Trailer Park”?
• Good thing Diablo grows back legs … oh, wait, that’s heads. Yikes.
• Gets your whites whiter — I love that final expression of horrified realization.
• No consistent theme to Mr Wifty’s ever-changing title, as it careens from making fun of kids activity comics to making fun of family-friendly strips. But damn if this didn’t make me guffaw.

Hey, guess what? Short topics to help fill the busy (yet low-news) end-of-year days, with a couple of book reviews being held until I need something pre-written whilst cooking a family feast.

• Karen Ellis does book reviews — in living color.
• Ever wonder what a cartoonist-in-residence looks like? According to the Cartoon Art Museum in San Fransisco, next month there will be a startling resemblence to Shaenon Garrity.
• Received via email last friday:
  

  Are you going to write the Webcomics knol?

  Haven’t been asked, so I guess not. But if anybody at Google thinks I might do a good job, I’ve got some time off next week.

• Jinxlets preorder!
• And finally, Otter over at A Girl And Her Fed has taken some umbrage at my continually pointing out that her characters lack a key sensory organ:
  

  Hmmm, I think I might need to take revenge upon a certain Gary Tyrrell. The good sir is on about the lack of eyes again… I see no other course of action than to visit the craft store and break into his home armed with brown pipe cleaners, a bag full of googly-eyes, and Crazy Glue. Gary, when the contents of your fridge stare back at you over their fine handlebar mustaches, you’ll know.

  Somehow, I think I would have preferred a horse head in the bed to what she left for me. Horrifying.

Stories are starting to drop off as everybody staggers from eggnog bender to eggnog bender. But hey, we’re still gonna be here for the duration; we’ve kept up the whole “at least five days a week” thang for the past two years, why stop now?

From the We Come To Honor Caesar, Not Bury Him department, the exodus at Wizard magazine has been getting some press, as we can add one more name to it: Brian Warmoth, who originated the Cursory Conversations series of interviews with webcomickers, has given notice and wrapped up his contributions to Wizard‘s website. His last interview, with James Kochalka, is due to run today but isn’t up as of this writing.

Back in April, I wrote:

Hey, ever wonder why Wizard’s online site is so much better (and webcomics-acknowledging) than the print magazine? It’s because there’s two guys that pretty much run it by themselves, and they like webcomics.

Back then, my emphasis was on the “webcomics” part of that statement, but it quickly became apparent that the real story was the “better” bit. To my mind, the contributions of Warmoth and fomer online editor Rick Marshall were what made the difference between Wizard the magazine (and since FHM and Stuff have both ceased publication, it looks like the publishers have decided to try to fill the void on the newstands next to Maxim) and Wizard the website.

But Warmoth and Marshall aren’t just good [web]comics writers and editors, they’re damn good writers and editors period, and I fully expect really interesting stuff from both of them in the future. Guys, thanks for the good work, and if ever either of you got a hankering to write something about this crazy phenomenon we call webcomics, you have a ready soapbox here at Fleen.

I went home early yesterday, sick and trying to avoid snow, and promptly got hit with both. (At least the Red Robot socks arrived in enough time to provide some solace while I was excavating my car). So, when I was looking for a subject for this week’s column I thought I’d try something that had worked in the past: Googling “webcomic” and “weird” and “snow” to see what came up. It landed me at an out of date website, but along the banner at the top was this very cute image of two folks smoochin’, and so I clicked: Geeks Next Door by Jessi Bavolack and Matt Pascal. They’ve just finished posting some funny fan art, and I scrolled down to find wee Project Wonderful ads (again, one of my favorite webcomics’ ads appeared there with a link to today’s vaguely smutty comic).

And I clicked on David Best’s Taking The Bi-Pass. It’s an interesting webcomic, started in 2003, centering around a couple and their day to day lives, with a pretty good streak of geek in there. I haven’t read through the entire archives, so I have a few unanswered questions (like, um, the title?), but in time I trust all will be revealed. It updates twice-weekly, and is one of those webcomics which reminds me of other ones I’ve read (in a good way, I mean). Like You’ll Have That, for example. (Here’s one of those odd chronology moments where even though YHT‘s just celebrated its third anniversary, I think of it as ‘older’ only because I was introduced to it before I found Taking the Bi-Pass, published regularly since 2003. I wonder if this chronology issue’s just another facet of reading webcomics and the unchecked potential for new discovery–I mean, literally, every time you get online there’s a possibility of new work out there…!).

The strip does have the occasional webcomic in-joke and I had been thinking it looked kind of Simpsons-influenced, so imagine my glee when I found this Halloween strip. The webcomic’s got a bit of an autobio bent to it, what with Canada, the Maple Leafs, and having kids (there’s a great series of guest strips in the archives which were stockpiled in preparation for a birth), much of which you either have to guess from context or from the notes running alongside each strip (something that Questionable Content, for example, does particularly well, and this webcomic reminds me a bit of that one).

There are moments, however, where it feels a little patterned; one of the tricks that Best uses frequently is to have one of the four panels be the silhouettes of the characters, or to have the characters in one general position throughout the strip. It might not even be something you notice in following on a regular episodic basis; it only jumped out at me as I was reading through the archives. In fact, it’s not unique or specific to Best, and, given his history (hello, new baby!), it’s not something with which I can really take much issue. Particularly when he does neat things like this: look at the arm in the third panel, breaking the frame. I love that.

Quickly:

• Regarding my estimate of the Child’s Play dinner event … I have never been so thrilled to be so wrong. Okay, once when I figured there was no way that I’d be lucky enough that she’d say say “yes” to being my wife. But this is a very close second.
• Oh Crust Runner, we hardly knew ye.
• Tired of Wha? nominations in the digital/webcomics category at the big comics awards? Submit what you believe to be better candidates.

Mail!

This is Marty Day, writer of Dead of Summer. You may remember us as one of the Webcomics Idol finalists this year. We’ve officially released our first collection thanks to the fine people at Unseen Productions (144 pages, b&w interiors, just $12). Book 2 should be coming in ’08.

And from Wes Molebash:

Word to your mother!

Editor’s note: I think this should be the new standard salutation for correspondence. It’s so much more heartfelt than “Dear Sir or Madam”. But would that be my adoptive mother or my biological mother?

I’ve been beating around the bush on this idea for a while now, and it’s time to just do it. I’m starting up a monthly YHT newsletter that will contain a lot of the info that we talk about on my blog, but will also contain some behind-the-scenes info, contests, and updates on future projects (2008 is the year I start working on some new stuff!).

So if you’d like to sign up for the newsletter, just shoot me an e-mail (wesmolebash at we hate spam but like gmail which is a dot-com) and let me know. No need to write me a long e-mail — just tell me you want to subscribe to the newsletter. It’s as easy as that.

The first newsletter will go out in January.

Time to do some quick items:

• There will be guest strips — Wapsi Square is promising six awesome updates next week, and A Girl And Her Fed is looking for guesty contributions. Otter asks that any submissions “cover up naughty bits”, which presumably includes eyes.
• I think that Goats may be setting a record for single storyline duration — it’s been more than two and a half years since the universe-spanning Infinite Typewriters started, and it all comes to a climactic head tomorrow. Jon Rosenberg is running a poll to see where people think the body count will end up, which can’t possibly be a bad sign.
• Geez, my EE professors taught me to just build the damn thing and then measure. That’s the problem with theorists — insufficient patience to build an infinite grid of ideal 1Ω resistors.
• Pretend to be a Time Traveller From The Future Day has come (or has it?) and gone (or will it?), and Aaron Diaz has an account of his adventures up at Dresden Codak. Not sure if it’s going to have a permalink, so please enjoy a hopefully copyright-friendly copy here.
• As of this writing, we’re still waiting on word as to how last night’s Child’s Play charity dinner went, but based on past years I’m going to guess that the night’s endeavours raised at least $80,000 for this year’s drive.

First up: Time is doing its ____ of the Year lists, and this go-round has a category for graphic novels. They handed that category to Nerd World blogger Lev Grossman, who has made his love for webcomics known over the past year. In what may be its highest-profile mention yet, Achewood took the #1 slot (despite not being a graphic novel, per se) and Erfworld the #6 position. Given that both are likely to see an uptick in readers, Grossman might have given Time‘s readers a heads-up concerning Achewood’s (shall we say) profane nature, but anything that gets readers started in webcomics is cool by me.

Elsewhere in the webby wilds, Clickwheel editor Tim Demeter wants you to please enjoy a present from him and his to you and yours. Christmas cards, printable and electronic varieties, are available featuring Demeter’s own Reckless Life, Joe Loves Crappy Movies, Random Encounters, Wonderella, and more. Wait, are they Christmas cards or Holiday cards? Pretty sure nobody cares!

Lastly, finishing out the “webcomics books making it to comic shops” trend of the past year, Spike‘s Templar, AZ is now available for order in the latest issue of Previews, under Diamond order code DEC07 3783. Don’t have it yet? Think of it as a present to yourself.

Who wants stuff today? Stuff is awesome.

• Speaking of “awesome”, did you see the winners of the Wonder Woman costume redesign contest at Project Rooftop? That’s got webcomics all over it, since PR is the baby of Dean Trippe, who does the terrific Butterfly (as seen at Lunchbox Funnies), and one of the second-place prizes went to Carly Monardo, who’s been known to do the odd shirt design, coloring job or guest strip at Dr McNinja.
• Speaking of Lunchbox Funnies, Wally & Osborne has been on hiatus for a while. Let’s let W&O creator Tyler Martin tell it:
  

  I decided to stoop to the lowness of that creep Paul Southworth and ask for some help in letting people know my comic would be returning after taking a baby (and moving) hiatus.

  Unlike Paul who only took a couple weeks, I took 3 and a half months, because I am a better father! :D

  Fightin’ words! Guess the only way to settle this is for everybody reading now to check out both Wally & Osborne, and Ugly Hill, so that both creators can afford to travel to a neutral site and settle this thing with honor in the steel cage o’ death.

• Still speaking of Lunchbox Funnies, you know who else is over there? Dave Roman. Know who he hangs out with a lot? Raina Telgemeier. (I mean, seriously a lot, with like smoochin’ and everything!) Know what ¡Journalista! is reporting today? That Dave and Raina will be doing an original English language series for Del Rey in manga style, starring the X-Men.
• Still, still speaking of Lunchbox Funnies, Rian Sias is dipping a toe into the wearables category of merch, with the most adorable hat to grace the planet since Andy Runton sold out of the Owly hats.
• And finally, to his resume of misery as the Dreamcrusher, David Malki ! can now add “Strikebreaker”. What is ostensibly an ad for the latest Wondermark calendar (100 piece limited edition, each page hand-screened, with a brass display stand) turns out to actually be an excuse to break the Cute Internet Animals Embargo in support of the WGA. For shame, Mr Malki !, for shame.

Followups:

• The latest in spam-killing technology is now on deck, so be aware that you’ll have to jump through one extra hoop to post comments., but we’ll hopefully avoid problems.
• The auction is now up to $31. Good job, people.

Mini Fleen Book Corner: The Case of Mars is a ridiculous amount of fun, ties up the last four years of Wigu continuity, sets up Jeff Rowland for at least the next four years, spares Hugo a terrible fate, features the word “panspermia“, and has an environmental message both more fun and more satisfying than Al Gore’s wettest of dreams. All it needs is a good beat and you could dance to it.

And lastly, the best press release we’ve received all year sits behind the cut. Congratulations to Jason Siebels for three years of Anywhere But Here, and good luck with that baguette.

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