The webcomics blog about webcomics

It’s Raining And I Have To Drive Home On I-95

So it feels dreary and oppressive and somehow appropriate that the news comes today that Gahan Wilson, cartoon chronicler of the unsettling and uneasy, has died. We will not see his like for a long time, and we are the poorer for it.

On the other hand, he never had to live in a world with Cybertruck, the current embodiment of Elon Musk’s continual self-beclowning. I’m going to step back from all the dystopia and see about getting home. We’ll talk next week.


Spam of the day:

Never “learn” how to manifest money, again

If I could learn how to manifest money (which I think means make it just … appear?) I would certainly try to learn more ways to do that. I’d repeat until I manifested all the money ever, then give it all away until scarcity no longer existed and the act of having billions of money made you no different than anybody else, the fiction of wealth laid bare.

Yikes, I am in a mood today.

Slowly Clawing My Way Back

Enough so that hi, I’m here, I’m not dead. Not so much that I’ve got a lot for you today, but I did want to mention something that those of you that may be engaged in commerce ahead of the Solticetime holidays should find compelling. Namely, advice from the good folks at TopatoCo about how late you can order stuff and expect it to get to its destination by 24 December.

If you’re overseas, you’re already into the interesting times phase where mere First Class delivery is only good for another four days or so. Note that Cyber Monday (I hate that entire concept) is late this year, 2 December, by which time you are almost out of time for International Priority shipping. Naturally, anything international will also run up against whatever delays customs may impose in your country, adding time from zero days to half a year or so.

Please remember that Canada counts as international, folks.

USAians are good with anything up to 10 December, then they need to bump up to priority methods until the 16th, and then it’s 2nd Day special methods until the 20th; the problem is that the 24th is a Tuesday, so not many delivery days before them in the run-up. I’d advise you try to get your mail-order shopping done by Pretend To Be A Time Traveler Day and then you won’t have to stress about it.

Okay, time for the next dose of jitter-making generic knockoff DayQuil. See y’all tomorrow.


Spam of the day:

?????????????? who is miley cyrus dating 2017

A day ago I would have said You have vastly overestimated my interests in Miley Cyrus’s dating life in 2017 and Miley Cyrus in general, but I’ve been listening to Dolly Parton’s America, the new podcast series from Jad Abumrad¹ of Radiolab, and I learned yesterday evening that Dolly is Miley’s godmother, so now I have more interest in her than I did. You can’t be an uninteresting person if you’ve got Dolly in your life.

You have still vastly overestimated the degree to which I want to intrude into the personal life of a 24 year old woman (in 2017) who does not owe me any kind of details.

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¹ Fun fact! Abumrad is a 2011 MacArthur Fellow, making him a peer of 2016 Fellow Gene Luen Yang. You can find a comics connection to anything.

An Oddly Relevant Bit Of Spam

Spam of the day:

sepia homeopathic remedies modafinil herbal bath salts

See, today I am a bit brainfuzzed due to the whatever it is that’s taken up residence in my mid-pharynx. I have a voice (which works out well for teaching) as long as I drink hot liquids and it goes away within about ten minutes when I don’t. I am laughing at the instructions on this bag of cough drops that says they should be used every two hours — a new eucalyptus charge goes in before the old one fully dissolves — and the generic DayQuil I’m on has me jittery and oddly hungry no matter how much I eat.

Yeah, so not paying attention to webcomics today. Gonna finish out class, head back to the hotel, and crash hard. Somebody let me know if we still have an international criminal conspiracy occupying the executive branch or if it’s collapsed yet.

Oh, yeah, and modafinil is a stimulant, homeopathy is a lie, and bath salts make Florida Men eat each other’s faces.

Hey There, Have Some Links

There’s some cool stuff you should know about and I’m going to tell you about them, because that’s just the kind of guy I am.

  • Kickstarting today (since late morning EST, if I’ve got my timing right), The Nib (who’re sitting on just a slew of awards and recognition, particularly since their unceremonious dumping by First Look), is producing their second anthology, Be Gay, Do Comics. It’ll feature a plethora of top-tier creators (see the picture up top), with previously-run favorites plus new comics from Matt Lubchansky, Breena Nuñez, the Space Gnome, and more.

    Like the previous Eat More Comics (from goodness! four years ago), it’ll be hardcover, over 250 pages, and undoubtedly super-pretty inside. US$30 and up to get the physical book, about halfway to their goal, delivery in April … the usual stuff going on. Oh, and because it’s something I’ll be looking for, right at the beginning of the project description is the solidarity statement with the Kickstarter Union. Good for Bors & Co.

  • Hey, remember we told you about Christopher Baldwin’s Glens Falls (not visible from baldwinpage) like two weeks ago? Of course you do. What we at Fleen didn’t mention then (because we didn’t know it until yesterday) is that in addition to making GF available at TopatoCo, Baldwin is also running the book as a page-a-day webcomic.

    It’ll take a little hunting since it’s not visible in the sidebar at his page (although you really should be reading Spacetrawler there if you aren’t), but it’s there. Go to www.baldwinpage.com/glensfalls and you’ll get the latest page, Monday to Friday. It’s only up to story page 7, so it’s a great time to jump in and get to learn a bit about one place at a particular time.

Okay, done for today. Sore throat, must mainline cough drops. Apply for #ComicsCamp!


Spam of the day:

Someone eaten a swordfish? I’m looking for manual how to cook it.

Let me Google that for you.

Some Few Items Of Interest

I had my top story of the day all laid out, full of righteous indignation ‘n’ such, and it got knocked out of the first slot by something more important. Partly because it’s a happy story instead of an enraging one. Partly because it’s something you can act on instead of something where we’re basically forced to be passive. But mostly because it’s #ComicsCamp:

Hi. Applications for our Comics Camp are now open! https://minicon.alaskarobotics.com/comics-camp/

That from Pat Race of Alaska Robotics, Camp Dad and guttersnipe most profane. You best believe my application is in, and there’s more than one of you I’ve spoken to this year about the necessity of you applying to come to Juneau next April. There’s s’mores, and boardgames, and music, and amazing food, and Northern Lights, confirmed guests, and an intentional community that will energize you for the year. There’s also financial aid offered if you’re unable to afford the costs. If you’re not sure if #ComicsCamp is for you¹, here’s some words² to help you decide.

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As with so many things, The Onion had it right, and more than two decades ago: Disney being one of the few remaining corporations sucks ass for a bunch of reasons. It was end of the summer that we found out that pretty much every Fox-affiliated movie in development has been canceled, and Fox’s movie library is being memory-holed, and now some of the animated features that had been presumably unaffected have been pushed back.

Specifically, Nimona, godsdammit:

Nimona, the Blue Sky Studios feature based on Noelle Stevenson’s comic and directed by Patrick Osborne (Disney’s Feast), has been delayed over 10 months, from March 5, 2021, to January 14, 2022. Prior to Disney’s takeover, Fox had announced a Nimona release date of February 14, 2020.

That original release date means that Nimona is essentially done, ready, in the can and releasable. But it’s being pushed back so that various Disney/Pixar movies (including at least two that don’t even have titles yet) can go first. Because Disney is fundamentally hostile to anything it doesn’t own in its entirety. Because today is Mickey Mouse’s birthday and copyright will continue to be extended until the heat death of the fucking universe before Disney will ever see the cartoon rodent presented or shown in any way that doesn’t make them all the money. Because owning Star Wars, Marvel, The Simpsons, Pixar, and every other damn thing is never enough.

And we still don’t have seasons four and five of The Muppet Show released.

Fortunately, Nimona is going nowhere. You can buy a copy today, at least until Harper Collins (which is owned by News Corp, which is Fox) gets bought by Disney and they suppress it because somebody else dared to make it. We’re about fifteen years away from owning non-Disney media or stories of any kind is declared a crime; I’m prepared to circulate the samizdat as we speak.


Spam of the day:

Do THIS When A Gun Is Pointed At Your Head

If your secret isn’t cry and wet yourself, you’re lying.

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¹ It is.

² About 35,000 words, to be exact.

Fleen Book Corner: The Midwinter Witch

Sometimes, I think that JRR Tolkien’s most enduring contribution was the idea of the trilogy¹. Maybe it’s just because it’s become a default structure, but there’s something innately satisfying about not just a story having a beginning, middle, and end, but having whole stories act as beginning, middle, and end of a larger tale. A good trilogy reveals patterns and meaning that a single book keeps hidden, or maybe fallow, waiting for the context of other books to let them blossom.

Thus, when reading The Midwinter Witch by Molly Ostertag (a copy of which I finally obtained this week, Diamond doing its absolute best to not supply my comic shop, where I pre-ordered it in June), I find myself regarding the story on its own, and as of a piece with its two predecessors, The Witch Boy and The Hidden Witch. Thoughts on the newest story and the larger narrative below, with the requisite warning that here be spoilers. If you don’t want to accidentally learn story specifics, the short version is that Ostertag brought the series to a satisfying and earned conclusion and the third book is easily the equal of the first two.

There’s a progression in the Witch Boy series, something we come to learn about Aster and his friends and family, even when the story doesn’t focus on him exclusively. The first book was about Aster’s coming to grips with his desire to be a witch, even though everybody knows witches are exclusively girls and boys are exclusively shapeshifters. He broke more than one family taboo, bringing nonmagical (but oh so awesome) Charlie into his family’s world, a sounding board free of the mores and culture he grew up in that told him what he could and couldn’t be. It’s fundamentally a book about learning to be yourself.

The second book introduced Ariel, with awakening magical powers and nobody to teach her, finding herself walking a dark path of imagined slights and too-real vengeance. Change is happening in Aster’s family, his cousin Sedge is breaking patterns in his own way, Charlie is becoming an accepted extension of the family, and together they’re able to pull Ariel back from her own worst impulses. It’s fundamentally a book about learning to accept love.

And now that Charlie and Ariel have become adjuncts to the Vanissens, the story shifts to the extended family and their midwinter festival. Cousins and cousins-of-cousins that haven’t had time to get used to the idea of role-defying witch boys have their say, Aster’s mom asks him to keep a low profile (mostly out of a desire to protect him, but I think a little out of concern about What Others Might Think), and the term we’ve used to describe Aster — Witch Boy — is spat at him as insult by a particularly jerky cousin. It’s curious that the extended clan doesn’t have a problem with Charlie’s presence but Aster being different? Whispers and more.

But Aster isn’t who he was two books back. Ariel, Charlie, and Sedge are fellow boundary-stretchers alongside him, and his sister Juniper — recognized last year as the best witch in her age cohort — has his back. So does his dad, for that matter, and Grandmother settled the question of Aster’s place in the family some time back and no distant cousin is ready to cross her. Mom’s almost got Aster talked out of being witchy in public but Sedge — who was so mean two books back — is the one that asks What about the other kids like you, though? You know there’s got to be other witch boys in our family. Maybe they’re better at hiding it than you. Or shifter girls, as Charlie points out, the two of them making the point that seeing somebody like himself when he was little would have meant the world to Aster².

And if Aster’s grown so has Ariel, learning about her powers, very slowly letting down the walls she’s had up for so long. But there’s a nagging sense of doubt, one that becomes tangible. Ariel’s the scion of a magical family that doesn’t play by the rules of the Vanissens and the other families. Not just the gender rules, the rules about don’t use magic to hurt people. Her long-lost aunt visits Ariel in a dream to whisper Your mother was my ally, we stood against all of them, but she got sick and weak and pushed me away. You could be my ally.

She needs allies, because it turns out Ariel’s birth family uses their powers to steal magic from others. Her aunt doesn’t say so, but mom’s distancing was probably a matter of self-preservation. You’ll end up hurting people she whispers, and They’ll turn on you, and Only I understand you. She’s telling Ariel simultaneously she needs to leave those that love her for their own good, but also that they secretly hate her and why shouldn’t they, since she’s a monster after all. She’s an abuser, seeking to isolate her victim, and the lies are sweet poison that almost work.

But Ariel’s not who she was one book back; she is able to fight her doubts and trust those that have shown they’ll risk anything to help her instead of those that promise magical domination. Soft-hearted, her aunt sneers, Disappointing. But I’ll take your magic all the same. Ariel chooses Aster, protecting him and liberating herself. This book is fundamentally about standing up to those that would tear you down³, learning that you can do no harm but also take no shit.

It takes time to find your place in the world. Aster’s gone from Mom and Dad don’t really get it, but … I don’t know, they haven’t kicked me out or anything to honestly confronting his mother about her actions (and Dad’s totally in his corner). The witches he competed against at the festival are hanging around in the spring, all witching it up with him. Some people grow, some stay stunted, but the forest of their lives gets taller and broader with each passing season. And that little pre-witch boy or pre-shifter girl is watching it all happen.

The Witch Boy trilogy is for everybody — every different kid, no matter how they’re different, every kid that will stand with them against the close minded (and not because they expect adulation), everybody that was one of those kids in the past — and I suggest you go get all three books for your own shelves immediately, and then decide which kids (of any age) need their own copies at the next appropriate holiday or birthday. You won’t just give them a great story, you’ll make them better people.


Spam of the day:

P.S. I am 28 yo and i am coming from Kiev, ukraine.

Timely!

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¹ If that grizzled old philologist hadn’t existed, the publishing industry would have had to invent him, maybe with a kid that’s less of an obsessive completist/posthumous editor.

² This conversation, it should be noted, takes place at a slumber party at Charlie’s place, as Ariel is doing Aster’s nails in purple polish. It’s subtle, but the color is present every time we see his fingernails for the rest of the book. Charlie’s dads have zero problem with boys and girls crashing out in front of the TV with pizza bagels and nail polish because they are awesome dudes with their heads screwed on right.

Although one of them remarks that Charlie sure seems to want everything to go perfectly, almost like she’s trying to impress someone. She blushes, but she doesn’t say which of her three guests she might be crushing on. And you know what? It doesn’t matter. Charlie rules.

³ Is it a coincidence that this book came out almost exactly at the same time that a self-proclaimed white guy ally in animation — Ostertag’s day job — got all pissy on the Grams for not being patted on the back constantly? Beware those that heartily declare I could be your ally, just do what I say.

There Were Giants In The Earth In Those Days

We are coming up on 15 years here at Fleen, more than 4000 posts, maybe a million and a half words, and there’s times when I still feel like a brand new hobbyist. In that time there have been people that do what I do for real who have encouraged me, linked to me, directed others to me, on those occasions that warranted it let me know that I had my head up my ass, told me what I was doing was worthwhile, and generally treated me like a peer. People like Scott McCloud, Heidi MacDonald, Dirk Deppey, Brigid Alverson, Johanna Draper Carlson.

Tom Spurgeon.

For as long as I’ve been aware that there was such a thing as writing about comics, Tom Spurgeon was the name that came to mind. His knowledge of the medium was encyclopedic, his love of comics was infectious, and the regard in which seemingly everybody in comics held him (and which he reciprocated) was boundless. Every time I caught a backlink from The Comics Reporter felt like getting a gold star, and him thinking me knowledgeable enough to pick my brains one day (and being kind enough to make me look smart) was a personal high point.

I could never get over the fact that I’m slightly older than him, because it seemed like he must have been one of those old grey eminences to have done everything he’d done, to know everybody and everything he knew, and to have had so damn much fun at it.

He never found comics to be a chore. He never shied away from a situation that absolutely needed another 250 words to get the idea across; he never hesitated to let a post consist solely of one perfect panel and a caption. He wrote prolifically, with great insight and affection for comics and the people that made them. He did his absolute damndest to build a world where not only comics would be seen as capital-A Art, but that the people that made them would be treated well by the mechanisms we’ve allowed ourselves to publish them.

We only met in person for the first time this past July; I fanboyed a little and he was gracious. We didn’t know each other well, and I’ll always regret that I’ll never have the chance to change that. But I suspect that he’d get a kick out something that ran through my head so I’ll share it now:

Last night I learned that he was dead — as I imagine most of us did — from a tweet that started We lost Tom Spurgeon today and I swear to you, my first thought was How? Guy’s like six-three, no way you can misplace him. The thought that I would ever live in a post-Spurge world took a little time to sink in.

We won’t be without his words, thanks to Karen Green and her colleagues, but after the scheduled updates stop the world of comics will be a little smaller — there’s one less giant it needs to make room for.

See you in the funny pages, Tom.


Spammers don’t get to share the day with The Spurge.

Nuts: Eaten, Butts: Better Believe They’re Kicked

I speak, naturally, of the ending of The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl with issue #50 in stores today; writer Ryan North, artists Erica Henderson and Derek Charm, colorist Rico Renzi, letterer Travis Lanham, editor Wil Moss, and a series of guest contributors put together the funnest, most heartfelt exploration of what it means to be a hero that the comics rack has seen since … I dunno, All Star Superman #10? And that was down to one perfect page, really, whereas North, et al, have made a habit of producing a better book each and every damn month, all from a character that was pretty much a joke when they started.

This is usually the point that I say my favorite project from favorite creators is the next one, because I always want to see them grow and stretch; in this case, I gotta say I’m going to be a bit wistful for the run of USG, and if it turns out to be a career high for any of the creative team, well that’s something to be pretty damn proud of. From the Kra-van to the pickable-path issue from a love that spanned decades to an elegiac moment of poetry, from a slapstick silent story to lessons on the history and practice of computing and engineering, the book was a wonder. Thanks to all who made Doreen Green the greatest superhero of any shared universe.

  • And since we’re talking about people whose stories got better with every installment (I have remarked in similar fashion about Giant Days and Octopus Pie), I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that there are other masterworks getting some love today. The AV Club, as I have noted, has some of the smartest writing on comics, particularly in section editor Oliver Sava. As part of their ongoing Best _____ Of The Decade retrospectives, they took this New Comic Book Day to announce their 25 best comics from 2010 to the present, and oh my are webcomics and those who make them well-represented.

    Right at the top of the list (and I don’t believe that it’s meant to be ranked) is Check, Please by Ngozi Ukazu. It’s joined by the aforementioned Giant Days and Octopie, but also by Tillie Walden’s On A Sunbeam, Blue Delliquanti’s O Human Star, The Nib by Matt Bors and his merry coconspirators, Hark! A Vagrant by Kate Beaton, Smut Peddler¹, and Margot’s Room by Emily Carroll.

    It’s worth remembering that the past decade has been an unbelievably rich time for comics, one where every month brings new work that would have been all time bests just 20 years ago. I could probably think of another 25 off the top of my head, but for now let’s just consider of the 25 listed (and you know the AV Club staffers sweated and fought to get the list that short), nine of them — nearly 40 percent! — were webcomics in their first presentation, or made by people primarily doing webcomics. Our weird, scrappy little corner of the medium has grown by leaps and bounds.

  • Speaking of webcomics and their place vis-a-vis traditional comics, is there anybody that’s made so complete a career progression as the indefatigable Jim Zub? He’s the consummate journeyman, hopping to titles that need somebody to reimagine them, or bring a listing vessel home safe to port. Give him a concept and step back, and you’ll get something great, bang on time, and written to the strengths of whichever artists he’s paired with. He’s on a Black Panther team book, and he’s just picked up another that makes 10 year old Zub bounce up and down with joy into alternate planes of vibrational frequency:

    As announced earlier today on Marvel’s Pull List preview video – in February 2020 I take over as writer on Marvel’s monthly CONAN THE BARBARIAN series with Rogê Antônio on pencils and EM Gist illustrating painted covers.

    I’ve read a bunch of I’m on _______ now! announcements from Zub and I promise you, none of them — not Avengers, not Baldur’s Gate — has held as much pure, uncut joy for Lil’ Zub with fantastic stories in his brain and stars and his eyes as freakin’ Conan. You can pick up his run starting with issue #13, out in February.

  • Finally, Fleen Senior French Correspondent Pierre Lebeaupin sends along some news updates in the world of BD, some of which got lost due to proximity to Quai des Bulles, some of which has happened since:
    Yatuu’s Erika is now in English (the first pages, so far); previous coverage here. It was redesigned for smartphones, interestingly enough (well, Brice did it)

    Also, Rainette resumed from hiatus; previous coverage here.

    As a side note, if anybody is interested in becoming Fleen Senior [your geographical location here] Correspondent and letting us know what’s happening in comics in your corner of the world, drop us a line. FSFCPL got the gig by providing on-the-ground context for what was happening at Angoulême, giving our readers info that nobody else this side of the Atlantic had. We’d be happy to expand to other parts of the Wide World Of Webcomics.


Spam of the day:

Do you know the #1 deadliest health supplement?

Given that thanks to Orrin Hatch, the entire damn supplements industry is essentially unregulated and doesn’t have to prove that what’s in the bottle is what is says on the label, or even that it’s not actual poison, I’d say it’s a tie between every damn last one of them that exempts itself from FDA oversight.

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¹ Specifically, the original 2012 anthology, which kicked off a new era for smut comics, for anthologies, and for Iron Circus. Not mentioned but worth remembering — this is where Spike invented her screw stretch goals, more money raised goes directly to the creators bonus structure, which has been widely copied.

Fuck Yes

The news broke yesterday and a friend asked me, had I heard? My reply:

A’course

In fact just about two weeks back I had the opportunity to tell Chris Onstad that The Great Outdoor Fight is one of my dessert island books so perhaps one dude or even none in a million wants that collection as much as me

This is not to brag

Two things should be mentioned here: I was speaking of the announcement (over AV Club way) of Oni Press‘s forthcoming comprehensive reprint of Achewood. And while I think I got the intent across in my paraphrase, I really should have said Oh necessarily instead of A’course. In my defense, I was on a train at the time.

Achewood has defeated attempts to reprint it in the past. There are the floppy collections of strips that Chris Onstad put out, nine volumes (IIRC) covering up to 10 May 2007¹, long since out of print. Dark Horse wisely started with the greatest run of comic strips in history, The Great Outdoor Fight, before looping back to the beginning of the strip with two additional volumes (covering up to the end of October 2002) before just stopping.

To be fair, Achewood is an acquired taste, and shifting to the start after seeing Onstad at the height of his power would be like starting the comprehensive Peanuts reprints around 1965 for one really great plot arc, then jumping back to 1950. It’s still Peanuts, and Schulz was always Schulz, but it’s also clearly nascent.

But now there’s an additional decade of pent-up demand, and a near-universal recognition of Onstad’s place in American Letters. And it’s going to be edited by Christopher Butcher, late of Viz, and founder of TCAF. There is literally nobody I would rather have in the editorial seat for this project.

The first volume of Achewood: The Complete Canon will release just before SDCC (14 July, to be exact), and will cover strips from October 2001 to June 2004 (no end date announced, but the last strip of the month is Ray going Goth so let’s hope it’s all of June).

That’s more than 600+, which Oni Press has confirmed to me will be in chronological order². No word yet on trim size, or how many volumes the series will take. Assuming they’re all that size, we should get The Fight (and the rest of 2006 — The Badass Games! The Transfer Station! Airwolf! Magic underpants! Mexican Magical Realism! Mister Band! — there’s possibly not a better calendar year of any webcomic, ever) in the second volume, and I’d anticipate five or six books in all.

It’s time to clear some space on the bookshelf.

Reached for comment on the awesomeness of his editing gig, Chevalier Butcher replied:

I’m definitely not afraid of the cops right now

Which would make him Mr Cornelius Bear, which is frankly perfect.

Updates on Achewood: The Complete Canon are available by sign-up at Oni’s site. You can be damn sure we’ll share whatever we at Fleen learn.


Spam of the day:

SCOOBY-DOO! AND THE LOST CITY OF GOLD FIRST DATES ANNOUNCED; TICKETS FOR THE LIVE STAGE SPECTACULAR ON SALE NOVEMBER 15TH

As I had occasion to say just yesterday (albeit in reference to something else), Scooby Doo doesn’t count unless Frank Welker is voicing Fred. That fact is non-negotiable.

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¹ Volume X would therefore start on a Fuck You Friday, as it turns out.

² The 2nd and 3rd Dark Horse volumes had the earliest strips, the ones before the introduction of Ray, Pat, and Roast Beef, at the back of the book.

Post Later Today Hopefully — Update: Nope

Sorry, network is disrupted just now because I’ve finally had it with the suck-ass product that Verizon¹ claims is DSL. How bad is it? Bad enough that I’m willingly switching my service over to the cable company², which is for nearly everybody in the country the most-despised corporation they deal with.

Yesterday was the last straw, today the switch is occurring, and for a period of time I’m not well supplied with bandwidth. In the near future, my speed and reliability will both improve by about a factor of 25-30, and I will be able to make a call to Verizon that will feature scrupulously polite contempt. When they ask if there is anything they can do to keep my business, I intend to laugh like an evil clown until my voice breaks.

Edit to add: I didn’t do the evil clown laugh, because the guy who answered for Verizon was a fellow Gary. When he asked, I told him to open up the detailed support history for my DSL account and read the entire thing, I’d wait. I let him stop after four minutes.

I’ve got speed now and I’m drunk on the possibilities. I’m also behind on work so it’ll still be tomorrow before a real post. No kidding, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.


Spam of the day:

Please help me, i will sent the order back to you. i just want the good order. Sincerely “Sent from my iPhone”

Hi Sent from my iPhone, I’m Gary. Dad jokes aside, you really think I’m going to click on a link that claims to be a photo of the wrong order I sent you? I’d say nice try, but that was lazy and weaksauce.

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¹ I will not be completely rid of Verizon; my position in EMS means that I have to have plain old copper landline so that I can be reached no matter what. During the aftermath of post-tropical cyclone Sandy I was without power for five days, but the ol’ Sport Illustrated football phone³ pulls all the power it needs from the copper line that carries the voice signal.

² To be fair my cable company has always picked up promptly when I called, fixed problems cheerfully and without complaint, and it’s only been my insistence on splitting up my comms — voice, cell, internet, TV — among different companies to the extent possible that kept me from using them in the first place.

³ Okay, not really, but it is an actual late-80s plug-in handset. Switch it from tone dialing to pulse dialing and you have telephony unless the copper is physically cut.