Well, for better or worse, I’m going to keep this theme of analysing some of my favourite individual web comic strips going this week. If you really don’t like it just tell me and I’ll almost certainly come close to considering packing it in.

So today we’re up against the formidable White Ninja. White Ninja has that weird kind of um… weirdness that balances on the fine line between sheer genius and utter stupidity. Rarely, does the ninja fall off the line on the side of stupidity, but there are times where he lands flat on his ass on the side of genius. This strip (for me) was exactly one of those times.

This comic has six panels. All six are comedic gold. Not a single line of filler. I’m going to talk you through each panel, and subsequently suck the funny out of them for you, so make sure you actually read the comic before reading the rest of this post.

Done? Good. Okay. So panel one. It’s the Kiwi vendor. Look at him there with his funny hat and his expression of extreme mistrust, as if to say “there is a sign that says Kiwis on it. Duh.” He is a hero. Panel Two is really a no brainer. It’s a kiwi claiming to be a werewolf. That’s pretty funny. What makes it really funny is that the kiwi still thinks he is rock hard, despite having no hands or feet! Panel three is once again all about the kiwi vendor there. Look at him! He doesn’t know what’s going on! Either that or he’s howling along with his kiwi brethren. It’s open to interpretation. That makes it smart.

New paragraph for panel four, in which the White ninja petitions the kiwi’s help. Look how bad ass that kiwi is looking right there. He has angry eyebrows like no other tropical fruit! Panel five begins the tragic denouement for our hairy hero. Look how evil Whitey looks. He knows. Oh, he knows. Panel six is just pure comedy. It’s all in the kiwi’s facial expression and the dead kiwi in the background. Clearly White Ninja already knew what kiwis are. It was all a rouse!

To some, White Ninja is just silly childishness, but ridiculous (yet, in my humble opinion, hilarious) “plots” aside, it is a strip that regularly contains some of the funniest visual comedy on the Internet. I have the last panel printed out and stuck up on my wall and, if I’m in the right mood, I can’t help but laugh when I walk past it.

It’s review time again, and I’ve decided to talk about a web comic that was emailed to me through the Fleen contact thingy. It’s Velvet Goat, which is comprised of numerous artists and their own slide-show style comics.

Jim Luian’s comics are connected and carry a plot-line full of drug-smuggling and transvestites. His comics stood out to me because I enjoyed his style and colorful characters. Other artists such as Matt Leong focus on the grim aspects of life, including horrible sabotage.

There are many more artists on this site that offer their own brand of comedy, drama, and distinct drawing talents. Velvet Goat offers a mix of artistic ability, wonderful writing, and leaves you with an appreciation for the dark side of life, since without it we could never see the humor in every day living.

New banner headline:
William G, Joey Manley, Scott Kurtz, and Chris Crosby all agree on a substatantive issue; world fails to fall off axis.

And in other news, the Nerd Prom is listing some webcomics panels for next month; list courtesy of Kristofer Straub, as the SDCC site doesn’t seem to have this year’s programming info up yet. Check it:

THURSDAY, JULY 20
6:00-7:00pm Webcomics 101: Getting Started – It’s easy to make a webcomic, but hard to do it well. Bill Barnes (Unshelved) asks fellow web cartoonists Dave Kellett (Sheldon), Jon Rosenberg (Goats), Brian Fies (Mom’s Cancer), Phil Foglio (Girl Genius) why they went online, and what artistic, business, and technological choices they made. Room 3.

FRIDAY, JULY 21
4:30-5:30pm Webcomics 102: Finding Your Audience – When will your genius get the adulation it deserves? Bill Barnes (Unshelved) asks fellow web cartoonists Jerry “Tycho” Holkins & Mike “Gabe” Krahulik (Penny Arcade), Scott Kurtz (PVP), R. Stevens (Diesel Sweeties), and Kristofer Straub (Starslip Crisis) how they attract crowds online. Room 1B

SATURDAY, JULY 22
6:00-7:00pm Webcomics 103: Making Money – Can you really make a living posting comics to the web? Bill Barnes (Unshelved) leads fellow webcomic businessfolk Robert Khoo (Penny Arcade), Howard Tayler (Schlock Mercenary), Phillip Karlsson (Dumbrella Hosting), Jennie Breeden (The Devil’s Panties) in a discussion on how they turn bits into bucks. Room 3

That last one looks particularly interesting; I’ve been wanting to see non-creator types like Khoo and Karlsson talk about their perspectives of what makes for success in this crazy world. Fleen will do its best to ensure full coverage of these sessions, and any others that appear on the schedule.

Spoilers are details of plot that may “spoil� your enjoyment of a movie, book, or other media. Those who hate spoilers say that dramatic tension or humor depends on certain things not being revealed – those who love spoilers say that if you can’t still enjoy the work after it’s been “spoiled,� it’s not a good work to begin with.

Where does this fit in with webcomics? A general rule of spoiling is that if sufficient time has passed between the publication of the work and the posting of a spoiler, it’s not a spoiler anymore. Rosebud is a sled. Soylent Green is people. But often spoilers for webcomics appear in the commentary that is posted simultaneously with the update – as with Questionable Content or Friendly Hostility. (Many more comics have commentary. I picked two in which I, personally, read the commentary.)

Does the quick turn around mean that everything is a spoiler? Or does it mean that nothing is a spoiler? Within hours, everyone who read QC knew that Faye’s father had killed himself. I know I got the link instant messaged to me by no less than three people who were spreading the word – but then again, they only sent the link, they let me read the comic myself.

I suppose this is a philosophical question. I like spoilers, to a certain extent. If I end up knowing the ending – as to a movie, or the end of a television episode, or even a book – I’m okay with that. I like to see how things are put together; I am a story teller at heart. However, spoilers for LOST are inexcusable. I’d rather squeal and hyperventilate at the latest reveal than know it was coming.

Would I want my webcomics spoiled? Let’s say I always make sure to read the comic first and the commentary second. But at the same time, if it’s something important enough for the creator to talk about twice, then does it matter what order the information comes in?

The strangest dream I ever had was when I was fighting inner-city crime with the Mario Brothers. It was animated and I looked like Cat Woman for some reason. Anyways, I bring this up because in a recent Able and Baker strip Able has a crazy-ass dream featuring a member of Poison.

And on another note, I am praying to whatever god that is neccesary to get a Diablo the Chicken figurine. It would be the greatest thing on earth if a Pintsize figurine showed up on shelves as well. I would die of web comic bliss. And then come back to life to write for Fleen, of course.

From a January discussion on webcomics merch:

The only attempts at quantities of actual action figures (with accessories!) that I’m aware of are from Messers Bell and Rosenberg. And these are fraught with delays, as the only manufacturies are a) far overseas; b) speak a different language; and c) hate you and want to make you suffer.

Welp, it looks like the manufacturies in question might hate you just a little less than before, as a color proof of Diablo the Chicken has made it past snarling dogs, razor wire, US Customs, and the postal service to end up in the hands of Messers Bell and Rosenberg. Rumors abound that there may be a couple cases of these bad boys at San Diego, with the bulk of the order arriving later. Price point is still to be determined, but keep an eye on the Goats newsbox for further info.

When that info comes out, buy one! Buy two! Get your Christmas shopping done early! Success on this experiment means that someday I may have other Goats figures. Seriously, Oliver with deathbot? Or being able to watch the look on Jon’s face as he sells figures based on his cartoon alter-ego (with short-packed gray variant) to random fanboys, knowing not what they’ll do with it? getting a genuine Phillip figure (with sentient lemon accessory) in close proximity to — dare I hope? — a Penny Arcade Fruit Fucker 2000? Count me in!

kris dresden has held my browsing attention for the past 48 hours or so, but I’ll save Max and Lily for another day.

Encounter Her is a comic driven completely by its art. Sleepy contentment, the moment of seeing someone attractive that you know you’ll never see again, frustration in the dance of courtship — it runs the gamut of emotions and it never says a word. Your heart jumps when the main character just misses her… and you cheer when they meet up in the end.

Consider this, creators. Does your art speak for itself?

We had a suggestion float by us during the week. So I’m taking it up. We’re going to take a look at one of my favourite web comic strips of all time (one of many) and talk about why I think it’s so great.

Well, this is it.

Halloween is often a big deal in web comics. Characters from certain strips dress up as characters from other strips. That’s fun and everything, but I like to see a little real life injected into the spookiest of holidays. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been to some pretty haphazard Halloween parties in my time, and this Mac Hall strip captures it perfectly. For a strip that is known for its polished art style, this penciled instance shows the raw quality of Ian’s art. It’s nice to know that Photoshop isn’t responsible for one of my favourite web comics.

The middle panel of this strip personifies college Halloween parties for me. There’s always the half assed costume entry and to be honest, it’s often me. I sympathise with the bag Brothers Three (TM), and maybe this year I’ll finally convince two hapless accomplices to help me fulfill my ambition of an Irish recreation of the trio that fight to defend the rights of containers everywhere!

Well, I hope you found that interesting. Perhaps you have more important things to worry about. Like Gordon for example, he has a yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.

Written on this page, eleven days ago:

… stupendous badassery is the natural inheritance of every living thing (even Philippe and Mr Bear)

It looks like Cornelius Bear is indeed a stupendous badass, with his skills at bread-baking, rule-breaking, jail-surviving, and car picking (not to mention porn writing) serving him well. Maybe now that son of a bitch Lyle will give him some respect.

And is it just me, or does Magnus Intactus look like he was the model for cell-phone nuts? This makes up for the fact that, sadly, no Badass Games wiki is yet in evidence.

Have you ever wanted to decimate an enemy with a katana? I know I have. And in today’s Cartridge Comics, one of my greatest foes was taken out by the T-shirt Ninja. His slash attack deftly took care of a problem bothering us all…Pokemon. The annoying kid from that show finally got it, and when I say “got it” I mean cut in half. Bravo, T-Shirt Ninja, bravo.

If only Cartridge Comics updated not only on Mondays. How bright and wonderfully murderous my days could be. I imagine I would be like Scarface, without the coke addiction. Who am I kidding, I crave the powder.