Okay, so that’s the submissions. The Fleen Editorial Board will be meeting in high-level secret meetings throughout the weekend and issuing invites to new writers ’roundabouts Monday.

To the eventual winners, congratulations.

To those who have given their all and don’t get chosen, thanks very much for playing, and don’t forget your lovely parting gifts (provided by the fine folks at Sue-Bee Honey™, Rice-a-Roni™, and RC Cola™; also please enjoy a complementary copy of our home game).

And to all our audience, thank you and drive safely.

Seriously, though, nice job from all of the applicants, and watch for daily posts from our new writers in the coming weeks.

This is the second post from Contestant #5; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

When I first encountered Canadian creation myth: the most inconsistent comic on the internet, it was as mere words on a page. Words that read “www.cacreamy.com”. Of course, my mind went to the dirtiest place imaginable with those words, and I will not describe to you the seedy depths that it went to. As I clicked on the link and perused the archives though, I found I was not too far off; Canadian creation myth is made of that rather offensive stuff that touches my heart. Its humour is definitely not for everyone, but if you can handle hooker jokes, eating live animals jokes, and of course fatty jokes (which I, personally, LOVE), then you are more than equipped to handle this comic. Basically, if you are as screwed up as the author, you are most of the way to funneeland.

I also really enjoy CCM’s primitive drawing stylez. The creator clearly did not take the time to make more than one draft of each comic, which makes it look different from most of the comics out there (although if I had to say it looks/sounds like anything, it would be white ninja and toothpaste for dinner). And why not not put the time and effort into something if you don’t want to? That is what I always say. And that is why I have not done laundry in a month and a half. But that is a whole other bag of potatoes. So not only does it LOOK different from the day to day offerings, but its rawness and unfinishedness also adds humour to the comic, because let us face it, it is kind of funny to see where people messed up. Especially when those mess ups involve thinking you spelled a word incorrectly. Especially if that word is ‘yes’.

Also, as a Canadian, how could I not appreciate comparing Stephen Harper to a Canada Goose? The answer is, that I could not. Although I think if I were to compare that man to anything, it would have to be a … I really have no idea as all I can think of looking at the picture of him is PEDOPHILE. Whatever he is, he must have mange.

Unfortunately, CCM has not been updated since late February of this year. Perhaps the creator died in our harsh Canadian winter (I know I almost did), or maybe he/she/it just needs a little nudge to get back on the comics making bandwagon. Either way, it sure couldn’t hurt to send them an email telling him/her/it that you like it. Peer pressure can go a loooong way.

This is the second post from Contestant #10; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

Canadian Creation Myth reminds me of a story my parents tell me about their thirteenth wedding anniversary. They went to the Road Kill Café, where they were lambasted and harassed by waitresses, and generally enjoyed what might have been an unlucky anniversary. They went for the atmosphere, not for the food.

CCM has a lot of atmosphere. The splash page invites you to “click it to enter you piece of shit.” The main page, under a picture of a drunken bunny passed out in his own vomit, announces that “here is today’s goddamned comic.”

CCM has some moments I genuinely enjoyed. As a political geek, the commentary on the Canadian Elections was particularly humorous. Of course the Canadians would elect a goose in a clever ruse. Of course the goose’s first act as PM would be to chase a toddler, and clearly all he would do is shit in the office.

But while my parents expected to be harassed at dinner, I must say that I was uncomfortable with the attitude of the author towards the reader.

The sense of malaise becomes even greater with comics like this one. I can’t decide if the author is trying to bust down gender stereotypes and violence and failing, or genuinely thinks that scaring little girls with rape and demanding they fulfill gender roles is funny. If there is one thing that completely turns me off, it’s the perpetuating of the rape culture.

The artist is a bit mysterious, as well. He invites you to contact him (“if you hate this stupid comic you can e-mail me here to tell me”), but never gives his name or anything about him. A Google search of the email address reveals that it was used to register at a Webcomics Chat forum, where he has only posted 186 times.

A final strike against the comic, for me, is the announcement on the title bar of the main page that it is “the most inconsistent comic on the internet” as well as the information that it hasn’t been updated since February 20th, 2006.

Maybe this is a niche comic. A niche occupied by those who like to be harassed by their entertainment. After all, the Road Kill Café survives. But if you go for the food rather than the atmosphere, you may be out of luck.

This is the second post from Contestant #2; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

The main character of Space Goth is a nice microsm of the comic as a whole. Teenaged girl Soli starts out as apathetic, almost nihilistic, as shown in the first strip. Then the first story, or “block,” follows Soli through what seems a typical high school experience: dumb jocks, boring lectures, frog dissections, and other teen woes; the fact that everything has moved to outer space seems purely a technological change.

If the strip had continued in this vein, I doubt it would have held my interest; there are other strips out there that can give me sci-fi, or teenagers, or both. However, just as Soli evolved from a one-dimensional “depressed goth” stereotype into a more fully developed character, the overall focus moved into a more interesting mystery story (first hinted at in this strip) instead of “high school … in space!” Through the course of this still-developing story, author Brenna Zedan has revealed more about her fictional universe, making it more her own and, consequently, more compelling for the reader.

The art, on the other hand, has been stellar from the beginning. Zedan makes solid use of black and white inks as well as infinite canvas, which is here mercifully free of gimmick or pretentiousness. I do have to say that it is fortunate that Soli and her mom are the only human characters, since they look very similar aside from hair style; this is a minor issue, but it did distract me a bit since I couldn’t stop thinking that Soli looked much too old for high school.

If I had been reading this comic at its inception, it would have been difficult to stick with, and there is no doubt that Zedan has much room for improvement. Now that I see where Space Goth is going, though (more space, less goth), I’d say that it is definitely worth checking up on once the current guest strip run is competed.

This is the second post from Contestant #6; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

If you’ve ever read a good edition of Kafka’s The Trial or The Castle, you’ll know what I mean when I introduce the comic Canadian Creation Myth. See, Kafka sketched doodles alongside his writing. They’re literally sketches, but there’s an odd, somewhat surreal craft to them. When you look at one alongside his work, you don’t just think: “Oh. It’s just a guy at a desk.�? There’s instead an epiphany, and you realize: “Oh! That guy at the desk it totally screwed.�? You can feel the weight of the story through the art, despite it’s simplicity.

Canadian Creation Myth is similar, perhaps, just for that refreshing simplicity. The art, reminiscent of the hard and fast doodles of Toothpaste for Dinner, stretches the conception of “art�? to its breaking point. The bottom line, though, is that CCM is visually boiled down so much that there’s nothing to get in the way of the (often arbitrary) joke.

The humor, though, is inconsistent. Some comic writers specialize in scatological jokes, nonsequitors, politics, or high-brow humor. Like the Red Mage (which is the best class, by the way), CCM does all of these things, but none of them perfectly. Perhaps the creator, whom I honestly cannot name from the (uproariously rude) content of the site, is still getting his or her bearings so early (16 comics) into the work. CCM tries out a plot by poking fun at the recent Canadian PM election, but it mostly sticks to one-shots, some of which are hilariously self-consciously Canadian, like one about Wayne Gretzky (whom, by the the way, Open Office recognizes in its dictionary; today is a glorious day). It’s worth a look at CCM’s short archive just to see if there’s one or two comics you like in there. I found a few laughs, and I’ll go back for more.

This is the second post from Contestant #3; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

Don’t be fooled, journalists love giving bad reviews. One year I got stuck writing nothing but restaurant reviews. There can be only so many dishes that are “delicious” and “imaginative” before you’re clawing for some truly imaginative crap. The amateur Space Goth gives us something a little more challenging than that.

The title doesn’t exactly inspire high expectations; parody or worse, heartfelt championing. The setup is pretty hokey; two teenager girls waxing philosophical, lounging in a tree (grown museum-like inside a space station). Later, the story morphs into a mystery; a quest begun upon the discovery of an old flash drive. Recently in a letter to her readers, the creator explained the strange discord in the first half of the story by admitting the comic was not meant for wide publication.

Once the decision was made to actually take itself seriously as a comic, things started getting better. The story began expressing originality and invention in its settings and characters. The main character transformed from melodramatic goth-girl into a teenager lost in her own liberal arts talent surrounded by a world that values practical scientific knowledge. The marked improvement in writing and storytelling was encouraging.

Like first kisses, first comics are awkward and filled with bad reviews. Even the best comics have some truly humble beginnings. There’s some pretty amateur writing over at Space Goth, and only some of it’s early art is any good. But notice how she uses light and shadow and panel composition to create a very unique atmosphere. Composition can be tricky but Brenna nails it right from the beginning. She has a good eye and seems excited about the comic’s future and the on-going improvement gives us clues as to what we’ll find. With Space Goth coming back on Thursday after a guest artist break, it’ll be interesting to see how far she’s willing to take us.

This is the second post from Contestant #8; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

Goths in space … sounds like another horrible Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, doesn’t it? The answer is yes, yes it does and I’m scared for my life if that ever comes to fruition. So why am I reading a comic that is centered on aliens, goths, and the inevitable gothic aliens? Why you ask? Why for the love of all humanity am I reading about semi-depressed extraterrestrials?

Simply put, Dutch dogs and violent ink-sketches are not my cup of tea. Not that goths in space flip my proverbial lid either. Space Goth, by Brenna Zedan, is a black and white ink comic strip where the main character is Soli, a human female in her mid-teens. She is befriended by other goths at her high school, who happen to be transgender-looking aliens.

First off, the artwork is decent and generally enjoyable. I myself cannot draw a stick figure without stabbing myself in the eye for lack of talent and motor skills. Brenna on the other hand, has actual talent. This is evident enough here and in Space Goth. I enjoy that she experiments with different panels and perspective, but the fact is that any art student half way through their college career can fool around with perspective and make it look good.

The writing is paltry at best. There is somewhat of a storyline that starts at the end of Book I and carries over into Book II, but it’s not even worth noting. Basically, if I wanted to hear self-indulging, pre-pubescent teenagers blab on about the atrocities of life, I would have frequented my local mall. But I won’t, because I’ll just end up punching punk kids in the face when they claim that Hoobastank is the best band ever.

I digress.

What I am partially interested by is the fact that she started these strips as a birthday gift for her little sister and with consistent support from fans, has fleshed out this gift into a year-long running web comic. I’m sure it made a great gift for her sister, but it is just bad web comic etiquette to re-gift a sub-par comic that was never meant for us.

This is the second post from Contestant #7; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

I apologize in advance for the pun at the end.

Have you ever had someone tell you a joke that was just a little bit funny and you were about to say so but then they burst out into hysterical masturbatory laughter? That’s precisely the vibe I get from Tommy A.

The guy obviously puts effort into his comic and so like Contestant #9 I feel like a dick saying these things I’m about to say. His site sucks. There’s no dancing around it. There is no ‘first’ or ‘last’ button anywhere in sight, and he’s got a script which disables right clicking in IE. So you’ll either have to go back through the comics one by one, or pull the links out of the source code; either way, it’s frustrating and it’s going to repel readers who are used to simple, easy interfaces.

The comic sometimes has its moments, but there are too few to warrant a regular read, and some of the punchlines make me want to horribly maim myself. The writing throughout, besides the horrifying punchlines isn’t great; it’s not bad, but it definitely isn’t good. Recognizing that he is Dutch and doing an admirable job of translating, humour is still a difficult thing to understand in another language and he’s not quite there yet. So if you speak Dutch, which I don’t, maybe give his other comics a read through; I saw Batman in there someplace.

I do enjoy his art style.

As it stands though, I don’t feel it’s worth a second look for a while, and it definitely won’t be one I check daily. Perhaps in about 6 months he’ll have found his stride; he’s only about 40 comics in. Until then, I can’t recommend this strip.

This strip gets a Tommy D Minus. >_<

This is the second post from Contestant #9; the assignment was to review one comic from a list of three randomly selected from the backlog of sites submitted by creators to Fleen for review. I, your humble editor, have not read the comics in question.

God Damn you, Gary Tyrrell. We poor hungover Irishmen do not deserve to be bombarded with this kind of insanity first thing in the morning.

I really don’t like saying mean things about people who post their creative endeavors on the Internet for all to see. It takes guts, and the Internet is a harsh unforgiving landscape. I tried really hard to think of a whole bunch of nice things to say about Space Goth but the truth is that I honestly just found it painful to read. That’s right folks, it hurt. And not in a good way.

At first I was optimistic, thinking that the title “Space Goth�? must surely be an exercise in delicious irony. It is not. The first three pages of the strip did little to endear me to it. I cringed at the discussion of nihilism, apathy and teen love interests that are the staple of the adolescent goth stereotype. Trying to be professional, I persevered. Most of the art is passable, though I thought that the last panel of this strip was actually a little bit cool. Things quickly turned decidedly downhill again. I actually laughed out loud at the lines “what if it is just a look?�? and “Who’s my goth princess?�? I honestly hope that was the intention, put deep down inside I know it wasn’t.

Once the story reaches block two, the plot has gone from laughable to banal and there is little to hold the interest of anyone used to the better narrative web comics.

Fantastic. Now I have a hangover and I feel like a bad person. Sorry Brenna.

This is the first post from Contestant #5

There is clearly nothing cooler than a doctor who is also a ninja. That is why Dr. McNinja has to be one of the coolest comics ever. Not only does he save the world from nasty diseases like meningitis, but also from pirates, giant lumberjacks, and even McDonalds. Now he has moved onto raptors. And not just any normal kind of raptor, but apparently tame raptors.

This is, of course, awesome because if anyone has seen Jurassic Park (and who hasn’t??) then they know just how sweet it would be to have a tame raptor. They would be at your mercy, doing tricks for you for T-bone steaks (or ponies), attacking anyone you commanded and ripping them apart, bit by fleshy bit. Plus you could RIDE it. And if you also had MIND POWERS then you could like, maybe control all the raptors, and become Raptiro and kill off all the superheroes, but not Batman or Underdog because who can honestly kill a dog? And Batman would just be enslaved, most likely for sexual purposes. Because everyone, no matter what their sexual orientation secretly wants to have intercourse with Batman.

But I digress. So the current story is about raptors, and who knows what else, since none of us have any idea who it is RIDING the raptors (although if it is someone named Raptiro I will clearly wet myself a little), much less why they are stealing old people’s coupons. The latest update is based on a true story, involving heckling and African American women. Except in real life there was no raptor. And the woman wasn’t so much sitting on a bench as in her jail cell.

While, like me, the most current update seems to steer away from the main point, it is merely one page in a series. Where it will go on Wednesday, we will not know, not until Dr McNinja roundhouse kicks us all in the face with yet another update.

I am willing to bet that it involves a little doggy getting eaten though. Although that is just me. And there is nothing I like more than seeing a froufy dog get his.