For those that follow this page to an unhealthy degree (hi, Mom), there was no post on Friday due to traveling, but today is two different holidays in the US and Canada and I’m totally allowed to take off from writing but I am here making up Friday because I love you people.
The reason I was traveling on Friday was to attend a wedding, but that doesn’t do it sufficient justice. Much like how Sherlock Holmes would only refer to Irene Adler as the woman, there is every evidence that this should be forever known as the wedding. In fact, you can all stop getting married now, as there is no chance that you will have more than one of these things at your wedding, much less all of them:
- A karaoke party featuring Kate Beaton and Carly Monardo channelling a murderously angry Cathy berating Heathcliff via the medium of Kate Bush
- A service officiated by Holly Black, with a meditation on the meaning of marriage as provided by Wikipedia¹
- More LEGO® brand building block miniature figure dudes and ladies than you can shake a stick at; I got the world’s angriest mail carrier
- The Beer of the Gods; that’s its actual name
- Toasts to the happy couple offered by Stan Lee who looked an awful lot like both Chris Hastings and David Malki !; he invented the comical books and also getting married
- Bilingual good wishes sent by the Government of Canada/Gouvernement du Canada, delivered via accredited ambassadors Beaton, Butcher, and North²
- An actual ice cream truck, turning an entire cohort of grown-ass people³ into little kids clamoring for Choco Tacos (it’s like a taco but made out of a Klondike bar) and Shrek bars (it’s like Shrek’s head but made out of cold Shrek’s head)
- Wangs, fire, and possibly wangs on fire
- A brunch where a celebrated artist pelted a teen with handfulls (hand-fulls? handsfull?) of mini marshmallows and also a new cocktail was invented4
These are things that happened, and they will not happen again; it was an organic, spontaneous, joyous celebration that will never be equaled. Holly, Jeffrey, you win at getting married, so said we all.
¹ Citation needed.
² Long live the Queen/Livre le Québec libre.
³ As opposed to grown ass-people
4 Agent Paperklip and I accidentally made something delicious. As this happened hard on the heels of a conversation about Tumblr, we named this concoction The Apple Privilege:
1 part apple cider
1 part prosecco
Garnish grated nutmeg, tears of the oppressed.