I Was On EMS Duty Last Night And Completely Missed Holemas Eve
It’s Holemas, everybody, the most Ryan Northest day of the year, when we commemorate that time he got stuck in a hole so bad that it made the international news¹. The traditional Holemas Eve celebration calls for donuts (which have holes), generous slices of Swiss cheese (because holes) perched atop toasts of whole grain bread (which … aw, you get it), and plenty of beer, champagne, soda, or other carbonated beverages — because what are bubbles but mobile holes in a liquid medium?
Nothing. They’re nothing. Which is sort of what a hole is too, if you think about it.
Today is the sixth anniversary of North getting stuck in the hole; I’m not sure if that makes it the fifth or sixth Holemas, and I fear that in the future doctrinal arguments will call a schism among the faithful. Perhaps North can settle it for us and thus prevent bloodshed.
In the meantime, let us all celebrate the descent of North (and Chompsky) into the stygian depths of a hole, and the triumphant rise of North (and Chompsky) back the world above, the better to redeem us all. Don’t look at me that way; actual religions have been founded on stupider premises than a very funny, cool, tall, smart, handsome Canadian guy (and Chompsky) got stuck in a skate park bowl on a drizzly day until Twitter crowdsourced a text-adventure game solution. I for one welcome North’s lessons, that we may all find out way out of our respective holes, be they metaphorical or actual, Chompsky bless.
Spam of the day:
Can you believe that not one spam today mentions holes²? Disappointing.
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¹ I have seen a self-penned biography of North that includes that line. It will never fail to delight me.
² Probably some of the porn spams do, but they’re actually giving me a break for the past week or so.
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