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With my unplanned hiatus coinciding with the runup to SDCC@Home, I am now drowning in vaguely amusing spam messages. Time to clear out the backlog in the very occasional and marginally popular Spamofthedaypalooza.

Spams of the day:

Re 670439 Infamous Eva Mendes literally almost collapsed from shock … he was such a shy kid I had no idea what he did.

You’re trying to convince me that Eva Mendes made a kid collapse from extreme Eva Mendesness?

Arctic Hat has a built-in radiant barrier to deflect and block 99% of the sun’ s harmful UV rays and reflects 80% of the sun’ s heat. Stay cool, comfortable, & protected with Arctic Hat!

You’re describing tin foil. Will it also protect me from the mind control satellites?

This New ‘ Summer Heat Busting’ Portable AC Device Takes United States of America by Storm

You’re describing a fan with a mister attachment.

In three hours, you will learn the premise behind creating a simulated nightclub and getting the audience in the act; the equipment and set-up instructions needed to create the simulation; marketing your shows, ticketing and generating a steady revenue stream. Fee: $44.95

Oh glob, we’ve got self-proclaimed Zoom experts now, competing with the self-proclaimed Kickstarter experts. Look, Chumpy, I’ve been using Zoom as the platform for my friggin’ job for the last two years, and you are not teaching me anything about how to move my nightclub (or other live-audience business; I’ve received variations on this one) in Zoom. You suck.


The fun thing about leaky brains is how they schlorp out when you open the skull!

1 Bathroom Trick That Kills Diabetes

You have a way for me to poop out a new islet of Langerhans?

[Translated from German]
We are pleased that you would like to subscribe to our SATURN newsletter.

Dudes, I had a Saturn more than 20 years ago, and that entire division of GM has been out of business for nearly a decade.

[Translated from German]
Lump litter is characterized by its extremely good and fast lump formation.
1 sack (10 liters) — € 13.99 (gross, free delivery)

Gross is right.

Apologies if you are receiving this message a second time – you are receiving this message because you are on the official Comic-Con 2020 Media List.

Okay, time to get real. 90% of what I get from being on various cons media list is garbage and not relevant to me. And I don’t mind, as long as you give me a way to get off your list. Those many, many media contacts with an unsubscribe link? They’re good folks.

The ones with no unsubscribe link or way to stop getting their announcement about whatever a Kardashian is up to? They suck and get reported as spam.

The one shop that has an unsubscribe link in MailChimp and it doesn’t work because they send all their stuff not to individual emails but rather to one of their own people with everybody else BCC:’ed? They’re evil, and I unsubscribed them ’cause it was the only email I had access to, and I ratted ’em out to MailChimp. Don’t be evil, kids.

Spam of the day:
Spammers don’t get to share the day with spam.

Or something.

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