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Post Later Today Hopefully — Update: Nope

Sorry, network is disrupted just now because I’ve finally had it with the suck-ass product that Verizon¹ claims is DSL. How bad is it? Bad enough that I’m willingly switching my service over to the cable company², which is for nearly everybody in the country the most-despised corporation they deal with.

Yesterday was the last straw, today the switch is occurring, and for a period of time I’m not well supplied with bandwidth. In the near future, my speed and reliability will both improve by about a factor of 25-30, and I will be able to make a call to Verizon that will feature scrupulously polite contempt. When they ask if there is anything they can do to keep my business, I intend to laugh like an evil clown until my voice breaks.

Edit to add: I didn’t do the evil clown laugh, because the guy who answered for Verizon was a fellow Gary. When he asked, I told him to open up the detailed support history for my DSL account and read the entire thing, I’d wait. I let him stop after four minutes.

I’ve got speed now and I’m drunk on the possibilities. I’m also behind on work so it’ll still be tomorrow before a real post. No kidding, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Spam of the day:

Please help me, i will sent the order back to you. i just want the good order. Sincerely “Sent from my iPhone”

Hi Sent from my iPhone, I’m Gary. Dad jokes aside, you really think I’m going to click on a link that claims to be a photo of the wrong order I sent you? I’d say nice try, but that was lazy and weaksauce.

¹ I will not be completely rid of Verizon; my position in EMS means that I have to have plain old copper landline so that I can be reached no matter what. During the aftermath of post-tropical cyclone Sandy I was without power for five days, but the ol’ Sport Illustrated football phone³ pulls all the power it needs from the copper line that carries the voice signal.

² To be fair my cable company has always picked up promptly when I called, fixed problems cheerfully and without complaint, and it’s only been my insistence on splitting up my comms — voice, cell, internet, TV — among different companies to the extent possible that kept me from using them in the first place.

³ Okay, not really, but it is an actual late-80s plug-in handset. Switch it from tone dialing to pulse dialing and you have telephony unless the copper is physically cut.

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