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Dammit TopatoCo, Stop Introducing Cool Items

Or at least introduce them all at once so I can put together an order and split the shipping costs. I mean, I know that’s basically what you do — introduce cool items, as recounted by the profile you recently earned in Take magazine, issue #3, but sheesh … slow down a little. I no sooner get my notification about one cool thing shipping than you come out with another. First it was the Judge John Hodgman tea towels, then the Fat Pony plush, and now the most perfect deconstruction of insane culture ever.

For those of you not familiar, Chick tracts are terrible little pamphlets that a fellow named Jack Chick has written for decades now (and either drawn himself, or had artists draw for him — their identities are not well known). They are meant to promote a particularly mean-spirited version of evangelical Christianity, and his followers buy them by the kilo to give away, leave in public places, or stuff under your car’s windshield wipers. In case you ever wondered how not making kids recite The Lord’s Prayer in public schools inevitably leads to fascist witches hauling good Christians away to death camps, Jack’s got you covered.

Sithrak is the asshole god from Oglaf [NSFanything], who doesn’t have any laws or commandments for you to follow — he doesn’t care, he’s going to torture you for all infinity no matter what you do¹. So please stay healthy as long as you can to avoid that fate as long as you can, and you may as well have that threesome because you’re getting punished whether you like it or not. And wouldn’t you know it, Sithrak’s got his own evangelists spreading the word that you can’t prove isn’t made up.

So if you believe in the god that hates you unreservedly, what better way to spread the word than by giving away, leaving in public places, or stuff under somebody’s car’s windshield wipers some brand new Sithrak tracts? It’s the very best in blasphemy, just in time for the holiday season. Order ’em today! Or don’t! It doesn’t fundamentally matter either way! But I’ll bet that somebody’s got a Trumpalo uncle coming for some holiday or other who desperately needs to find one of these in his luggage when he gets home, just sayin’.

Spam of the day:

82 Y.O. Electrician, Humiliates — Power Companies

I’m not even going to try to parse out that nightmare of punctuation you got there. Instead I’ll just point out that you’re trying to convince me that Stirling engines are secret, suppressed technology that runs for free “on thin air” when a) they’re used all over the place, and b) they require a transfer of heat from the outside². Maybe next time don’t try sending that crap to an electrical engineer who didn’t much like his thermodynamics class but still remembers it?

¹ According to his followers. Sithrak himself has a different view on things.

² Meaning small ones can work off of solar power, but likely it’ll require some focused concentration. To get the amount of work out of it the spammer is describing, you’re gonna have to burn some fuel to produce some heat, when then has to be removed on the other side of the engine, meaning more energy to run some kind of cooling unit on account of passive radiation ain’t going to provide the differential needed. Second Law, bitches.

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