Fleen: The Awkward Christmas Dinner Of Our Obligation To Existence

You’ve GOT To Be Shitting Me

Okay, let’s be clear about something up front: this post is not meant to rag on the fine lads of Blank Label Comics. I’ve met or had exchanges with most of them; I like them, I like their work, I like what they stand for. I fully support their efforts to support themselves and their families by the sweat of their respective brows, which includes ads on the BLC sites. There’s nothing wrong with them accepting money to run a banner from people who want to sell you stuff.

But I reserve the right to call bullshit on the people selling stuff. It may not be in rotation when you click over there, but right about now-ish as I write this (Wednesday evening, since I’ll be covering Andy Bell’s gallery opening), there’s an ad from some conscienceless scam artists calling themselves “Life Technologyâ„¢” (no link to conscienceless scam artists).

They want to sell you a small aluminum tube with a screw-top and a lanyard ring; you can get them at outdoor stores for about three bucks. I have a red one that’s stitched to my dog’s collar in case her tags come loose; it contains contact info and phone numbers. I have a larger one that contains two tightly rolled $20 bills — emergency cash in my pocket in case I lose my wallet, just inconvenient enough to fish out and unroll that I’m not tempted to spend it.

But Life Technology calls theirs the Tesla Purple Energy Shieldâ„¢, and wants to sell it to you for eighty-nine bloody dollars and ninety-five cents. Plus shipping. They process payments through the UK branch of PayPal, perhaps because they’re British (note the spellings below), perhaps because the device makes unproven medical and nutritional claims that would run afoul of US law. But that nearly hundred bucks is necessary, because:

The Tesla Purple Energy Shieldâ„¢ outer shell is made of aluminium [sic], which is first anodised [sic] (electrolytic oxidation) and then colored. The spin of the atoms and electrons of the aluminium [sic] is thus changed in such a way, that The Tesla Purple Energy Shieldâ„¢ is said to vibrate in resonance with the fundamental energy (Chi, Prana, Orgon) of the universe. The Tesla Purple Energy Shieldâ„¢ coating was developed by Ralph Bergstresser after a patent and from the knowledge / information and ideas of Nikola Tesla, with whom he worked in the 1940s. With anodising [sic], the field of the plating is changed and interacts with tachyons. The surface of the plating has a unique crystal-structure.

Woo, anodized aluminum! I guess the cookware in my kitchen is keeping all my chi/prana/orgon even more tachyonically vibrant, plus it boils up pasta! There’s more on their webpage (still no link to conscienceless scam artists) about “Psychic Protection”, “Aura Amplification”, and “Crystal Enhancement” (presumably similar to “natural male enhancement”). Also something about “The Lost Cubit” and how it “is resonant at 177 megacycles” and it hurts my brain just to type this drivel make it stop what we need more of IS SCIENCE.

Better now. Please notice the fine print on the BLC site just above each ad (including that for the Tesla Purple Energy Shieldâ„¢):

We were paid to display the following

See, the fine lads of BLC, they’ll give you credit for being smart enough to read between the lines. Somebody is selling something — caveat emptor and all that, they’re saying. Conscienceless scam artists give them money, they fulfill contractural obligations by running the ad, you’re too smart to fall for the crap, everybody wins. Everybody except the conscienceless scam artists — but they think you’re stupid. Screw ’em.

I can’t find that ad in our rotation…I think it must have been one of those embedded visual Google ads.

But maaaan, I am BUYIN’ me one of them puppies. Cool to see science at work.

Sorry to nitpick, but the [sic]s in your quote are unnecessary.. “aluminium” and “anodised” are acceptable spelling variants in England, I think.

Don’t waste your money, Dave. I bought three. You know, because my horoscope said that was my lucky number that day. It did wonders for my Chi, but my wife caught a bad vibe off it and lost her mojo for a week. It took three crystals and about a dozen troll dolls to restore her aura. I think one of the atoms may not have been spinning correctly. That or a bum tachyon.

>>Sorry to nitpick, but the [sic]s in your quote are unnecessary

“[sic]” doesn’t have to mean it’s wrong – “sic” literally means “as stated.” He’s just emphasizing the variant spelling that freedom-haters use.

I thought it was a vibrator.

I first saw this in a Google ad on PvP. I linked it in this journal entry on March 10th.

Hilarious.

The [sic]s are amusing, but you sort of need to [sic] “colored” as well, given that this is supposed to be a British ad. And it’s the French and German that are freedom haters. England loves freedom – the freedom to sell you only the best homoeopathic remedies.

When did Fleen become a subdivision of Bad Science?

I use them for smuggling drugs up my anus.

Typical. The British are trying to make us look bad by misspelling their dumb products on our site!

I saw that Google ad somewhere else too. That company is really paying out to have their ads displayed, I guess.

acceptable spelling variants in England, I think.

Shed all uncertainty.

I can’t say as mocking British spelling really helps the case.

Shit. I’ll sell you guys some of these for $20 ea. Mine’s got the awesome Tesla power going on.

Mine, however, are pink. Sorry guys.

sic, indeed.

England loves freedom – the freedom to sell you only the best homoeopathic remedies.

And the freedom to have your government track your automobile 24 hours a day… you know, just in case.

And let’s not even talk about the freedom one has walking down the streets of London. Cameras? What cameras?

I saw that Google ad somewhere else too. That company is really paying out to have their ads displayed, I guess.

How else are they going to find enough suckers to pay nearly one hundred dollars for a piece of crap?

Freedom Haters?

Dudes… the British are your allies, remember?

I just don’t trust people who spell funny. It’s like all fancy, like French or somethin.

It’s too bad Tesla didn’t invent anything of use in the 40’s. His legal battle over the radio, eating crackers, and slowly wasting away were his main concerns.

Of course, he might have been involved with scammers, if they were fond of pigeons. He was rather obsessed with pigeons for the last few years of his life.

The thing that struck me about these guys is they really know their quackery. Take, for example, the “Kirlian photo” they use to demonstrate the tube’s power. I’ve got a pretty fair knowledge of baloney science and I’d never heard of it, so I figured it was something they made up. Nope. Googling it produces a rich literature of bullshit. Same with “Cleve Backster’s Primary Cell perception discoveries” and “Schumann-Field.”

Either these guys really believe what they’re selling, which I can’t bring myself to believe since the capsules look to be purchased in China, or they’ve done some serious research on the kooks.

This is bullshit artistry

If its a British ad they spelt ‘coloured’ incorrectly.

There’s a ‘u’ in it you filthy colonials :P

[…] has to be about webcomics (although perhaps tangentially so) […]

[…] Uncategorized This page has written before on the topic of webcomic advertising. You got your tightly targetted ads whereby producers looking to meet up with a certain demographic craft campaigns with loving detail. You got creators who will offer up their own characters — within limits — for your message (or possibly even themed strips to carry that message). In a form of sorta-advertising, you can do product placement in the form of your own self. And then there’s Google’s various programs, including the rotation that you see on many webcomics. […]

The fact that a certain company makes that much money from the Tesla plates/shields doesn’t mean they’re cheating you.In my country you can get a plate for 17 euros,so all you have to do is look for another company that produces such stuff.Just because it’s the first ad you ever saw about it doesn’t mean you can’t shop from someone else!

sorry guys…this science may seem like bulshit to those of you who don’t use it, but those of us that do know all too well how true it is. Just because something isn’t mainstream doesn’t make it quackery. Mystics said a 30 years ago that data could be stored on crystals…only to be laughed at. Now, guess what? Slices of quartz are used to store data. There is alot happening in the Universe that some people will never understand because they choose not to. Oh, and Primary Cell perception is FACT. Accept it. Someday it will be common knowledge. If trees could scream no one on Earth would ever sleep again.

Yeah, The Earth Resonance Frequency (â€œSchumann-Fieldâ€?) is fact, too. Not knowing that makes you look pretty ignorant to current advances in science. My personal belief is that Life Technology is an incredibly gifted company, based purely on personal experience with their products. The Tesla shield is exceptionally useful.

I bought one, admittedly, a month ago. While I can’t say it’s done magic, I began to have tons of very vivid and meaningful (to me) dreams. I’m still observing though. Time will tell if I was a total idiot for shelling out the cash or not. It wouldn’t be the first dumb thing I bought, and probably won’t be the last.

it is interesting to note that users of the product in question have posted positive comments while the negative comments come from people who have not even tried the product.

great stuff. i recommend it to everyone. It’s easy to dismiss something you dont understand but this is no fake.

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