On occasion, I get people asking me how you put together a press release. For those still wondering, this is how you put together a press release:

September 10, 2013 (Portland, OR) – Shocking fans, battery wholesalers, and his many cats, pioneering web cartoonist R. Stevens disappeared last Monday from the art-deco mineshaft he famously confined himself to since starting the world’s most popular webcomic DIESEL SWEETIES in 2000.

Through the blinding electronic din, those steadfast and lucky few were met by an image of their new pixilated messiah, cradling a cat in each arm and beckoning them forth.

Usenets across the globe reported seeing a similar image, followed by a mysterious message: “Awesome. I AM ALL. RS3.”

The reaction from the public was remorseful and swift. Coffee stocks plummeted, cats gathered from around the world at Stevens’ favorite donut shop to hold a round-the-clock vigil, and many of the world’s record store owners simply set their shops ablaze and moved back in with their parents.

Vice President Joe Biden attempted to soothe a grieving planet Monday night, but was overtaken by his emotions, saying “I’m gonna need a few weeks, you guys. This is really messed up. I know it’s silly, but in my heart of hearts, I really hope this is some kind of bizarre stunt. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do without Indie Rock Pete.”

“All we can do now, is hope that Stevens uses his infinite power to remake this turd of a planet in his own image, ya know?” Biden continued. “More donuts and cats. Stuff like that. I don’t know, man. That sounds pretty awesome to me. We could all use a little more DIESEL SWEETIES in our lives as far as I’m concerned.” [boldface original]

Honestly, just go read the whole thing, it’s great; bonus points for the Onionesque version of Biden.

• In other news, we have more information on the mysterious, Ryan North/Shelli Paroline/Braden Lamb produced, original comic book coming from BOOM! Studios. Well, original in that it came out of North’s brainmeats, but much like the central hook of the Machine of Death anthology, it’s taken from an old musing by one Mr T-Rex. Namely, what happens if the fabled Midas Touch was weaponized.

  BOOM! seems to be giving all the good scoops to Chris Sims over at Comics Alliance on this one, so you’d best head over there for the details. When you get back, I’m considering running a contest: which other of T-Rex’s random musings from the past 2400+ comics will be made into an awesome comic/book/opera/radioplay/whatever next?

• Going to SPX this weekend? Sara McHenry has a post that is chock-full of good advice for exhibitors, a significant part of which is also good for attendees. She even has thoughts on what to do with the many bits of comics ephemera that you will inevitably collect but may not consider long-term keepers; key takeaway: don’t feel guilty.
• Two weeks ago, Angela Melick¹ suffered a break of the wrist of her drawing hand. I just wanted you to see how she’s managing with her allegedly “off” hand. Naturally, Kory Bing’s coloring job [Editor’s note: see here] is a big help, but Jam deserves a nod for how much she’s improved her non-dominant art skills so quickly.
• In case you missed it last night:
  

  Goal: $9,500. Amount pledged: $141,085. Holy crap.

  Holy crap, indeed. Jeph Jacques has become the most overfunded (that is, exceeding goal by the greatest percentage) musical campaign-haver in Kickstarter history with Permanence, and thanks to the stretch goals will have KC Green following him around with a videocamera to make a documentary of the recording of the album. One can only hope that the footage gets … exotic.

_______________
¹ My sibling in engineering: Iron Ring 4 Lyfe, yo.