The webcomics blog about webcomics

All Webcomics Journalists Lie

Editor’s note: It seems that there is an interview this week, Jeff‘s assertions to the contrary notwithstanding. Everybody thank Fleen Guest Interviewer Paul Southworth for stepping up to the plate, and turning the tables. Looks like another Southworth-related dollar will be hitting the mail this week.

Paul Southworth: Why interview webcomic artists? Did you already talk to every parking lot attendant and janitor in the world? Or do you just have a thing for high school sophomores who think they can draw anime and clumsy gaming references?

Jeff Lowrey: Because if I’m going to pretend to be a journalist, webcomics is about the least important thing I can possibly be a journalist on, and interviews are part of journalism.

Southworth: Have you ever learned something about an artist or writer you couldn’t publish? Can you go into detail about what kind of animal it was, and how Dave Kellett managed to escape criminal prosecution?

Lowrey: Spike refused to answer a couple of questions for the official interview, but provided subtext answers for them otherwise. Dave Kellett is and was “on the lamb” in more senses than one, and we’re all just counting the days until the cows come home.

Southworth: Do you really want to hurt me?

Lowrey: It’s not that I want to. Gary paid me a dollar.

Southworth: Do you really want to make me cry?

Lowrey: Maybe I’m just like my father, 2 bold. Maybe you’re just like my mother … she’s never satisfied.

Southworth: What’s Gary Tyrrell really like? We’ve all seen the mustache; but what about the man?

Lowrey: Having slept in his bed — or at least a bed that he owns — all I can say is that his life is pretty plain. He likes watching puddles gather rain.

Southworth: Name six ways webcomic artists are like teenage girls (teenage girl webcomic artists excluded).

Lowrey:

  1. They smell nice
  2. Most of them wear pink
  3. After one kiss, they won’t stop calling.
  4. Every day, it’s a new adventure in drama, comedy, angst and self-doubt
  5. They’re always scheming to get revenge on their big brother
  6. They’re always asking if that dress makes them look fat

Southworth: What have you eaten today? February is Write Down Everything You Ate in Your Livejournal Month!

Lowrey: I had a Italian Chicken Panini from Einstein Brothers. And a lot of hot caffeinated beverages.

Southworth: What Black History have you learned today?

Lowrey: Don’t even front on George Washington Carver. That dude had skillz.

Southworth: In speaking to as many webcomic artists as you have, would you say that we all share a similar fatal flaw that is keeping us from “hitting it big” and driving us inexorably toward failure/suicide?

Lowrey: Other than the willingness to talk to me, no.

Southworth: When I read one of your interviews, I always picture that guy from Inside the Actor’s Studio, except not really him but Will Ferrell dressed up as him on SNL. You know, with that big pile of blue cards and the funny voice? Remember that?

Lowrey: Will Ferrell. That guy. He’s such a symbol of the new generation of SNL, that was never able to recover from the Piscipo years. I mean, he’s funny and all … but where’s his Sinatra?

Also. Keep me out of your cosplay fantasies, okay?

Southworth: That was awesome.

Lowrey: Huh.

Dear readers, pray as you never have before that Jeff Lowrey is not distracted by sporting events again.

This brings to mind a question that I’ve had for awhile regarding the Victoria’s Secret Pink line. How come so much of it does not include the color pink? I mean, a blue hoodie with LOVE PINK down the arm? What?

Matt, I think you have managed to miss the entire point of Victoria’s Secret.

That said… what the hell? It’s not even written in pink. From now on I’m going elsewhere for my unmentionable needs.

It’s not so much that I’ve missed the point, but that I’ve generated a new family of points and regressed into my own idea of what is significant.

[...] Interviews, Jeff Well, if Paul Southworth hasn’t managed to completely destroy all of my journalistic credibility with his fiascos and snarkery, then hopefully some of you all will read the following interview with David C. Simon, who creates Crimson Dark. [...]

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