Diablo:
It was a few weeks after Lisa Loeb and I broke up. As you may have read in the tabloids, it was a rough time for me. I stopped working out, I was eating a lot of Quiznos, I would yell at the mailman for no reason at all sometimes.

Then, I realized I was destined for greatness, and everything was okay again. It’s very convenient, the greatness thing. You should try it sometime.

F:
What’s your favorite style of Cheetos?

D:
I’m going to have to say “Zesty Russian Dressing”. The puffs, not the crunchy kind — crunchy Cheetos are for pedophiles and rapists, man. I can’t support those snacks.

F:
When megaGAMERZ 3133T burst onto the scene, it was widely hailed by critics, fans and random celebrities as the greatest act of literature in the 21st century. Has this been good for your sex life?

D:
Yes, but out of respect for Wednesday White, I can’t tell you any of the details.

F:
Can you tell us a little bit about your creative process?

D:
I could spin you a tale of golden bullshit about this one, but I’ll be honest. I mostly just copy shit off of the ingredients labels of packaged food. Then I get high and pretend I’m Condi Rice. It seems to have worked pretty well so far.

F:
How do you feel about the large number of megaGAMERZ clone comics that have come out recently?

D:
They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, but I think it’s the highest form of lazy-ass drunken swedes who can’t write their own material. I’m talking to you, Pontus.

What the fuck is up with Sweden, anyway? It’s an entire country of Gamma-minuses these days. ‘Brave New World’ isn’t an instruction manual, folks, you don’t need to induce alcohol poisoning in your fetuses in real life.

F:
Do you read the Gamer1/Gamer2 slashfic that has become so wildly popular these days? And if so, where do you stand on the Emperor Blar’Ktath/Scott subgenre?

D:
Suing the perverted folks writing that crap accounted for 1/3 of our revenue in 2005. As far as Blar and Scott go, they’re consenting adult demons and elephants, they can do whatever the hell they want, as long as it doesn’t leave stains.

F:
How does it feel to be made of delicious, delicious meat?

D:
It feels pretty good!

F:
Late last year, you survived an almost mind-rendingly brutal combined attack against megaGAMERZ from both the Christian Right and the Libertarians claiming that your comic was inciting children to Satanism. You never publicly responded to those charges, instead preferring to allow the battle to be carried out at home, in the media, in the courts, and into the deepest reaches of outer space by a swarm of underlings, lawyers and cheese ninjas. Would you be willing to give us the inside story here – is megaGAMERZ cunningly designed to draw children into the dark realms of Satan worship?

D:
That depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is.

F:
We’ve heard all the tales of your childhood, the traumas and the triumphs. Do you feel that you were able to provide a better upbringing for your son, Oliver?

D:
Considering that Oliver is currently trying to take over the universe, I’d say I did a pretty good job. He’s motivated. It’s not like he’s sitting around getting high and playing World of Warcraft, like your readers are. I’d give myself a 9 out of 10 and a free small Pepsi.

F:
What does Satanism really mean to you? Is it a source of daily inspiration and inner fire, or is it just something you do on the weekends because you like the community and the anti-priest does a good bloodletting?

D:
Actually, I’m kind of a lapsed Satanist. I’ve been busy, you know? Although I have been taking a good, hard look at Scientology lately. I’ll let you know.

F:
Has Hollywood come knocking yet, to produce a megaGAMERZ movie?

D:
Well, some guy knocked this morning, but that was just because I had the stereo up too loud. Why? Did you hear something? Fuck, now I have to go to the bathroom. Can you listen for the door?

F:
Do you have any plans to release megaGAMERZ in book form?

D:
MG3 will be released in book form, mini-book form, iPod form, novel form, movie form, microfiche form, cat form, bear form, ghost wolf form, con form, the form of a bucket of water, and transcribed onto clay tablets in cuneiform. Hopefully by this summer, depending on what the cuneiform guy’s schedule is like.

F:
Where do you see megaGAMERZ in 5 years?

D:
Rotting in the desert after having crossed Vinnie Vengeance one too many times.

Vinnie has one rule: stay the hell away from his Men’s Pocky.

F:
Is there anything else you’d like our readers to know about you or megaGAMERZ?

D:
If you don’t understand MG3, it’s not because it’s poorly written or unfunny. It’s because you’re not smart.